Morrissey secrets about to be revealed in media

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Anonymous

Guest
Bulbous Salutations back to you, anonymous fellow who is bad at spelling.
Also, it is my ardent wish to give the biggest, fattest, most bulbous-ish-ness-est bulbous salutation of all time to Mr David Tseng. If anybody deserves a good bulbous salutation it is certainly that fine fellow.
 
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Anonymous

Guest
BULBOUS SALUTATIONS! Protuberant Greetings! Distended Compliments!
 
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Anonymous

Guest
Why is Morrissey so upset about a security officer at San Francisco airport giving him a bulbous salutation?
He should be thankful he was giving such a bulbous reception upon his arrival at the airport
 
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Anonymous

Guest
Hey everyone,
Last Valentine's Day my beloved sent me some salutations in the form of some lovely flowers she had grown in her garden, unfortunately they had not yet blossomed into flowers and were in fact still just bulbs.
I was just wondering, does this count as a "bulbous salutation"?
 
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Anonymous

Guest
Why was Morrissey so unimpressed when that San Fran airport security fellow grabbed a hold of his bulbous salutation?
What is the point of Morrissey entering an airport with a bulbous salutation if he doesn't expect the fellow welcoming him to receive it? Was only the polite thing to do.
What else is one expected to do when confronted by a bulbous salutation but get to grips with it? I'm confused by Morrissey's reaction.
 
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Anonymous

Guest
Breaking News: Hallmark cards announces new Morrissey line of greeting cards, the Bulbous Salutations range.
 
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Anonymous

Guest
Why did Morrissey, with his typical cowardice, scrawl the message "Andy you have left the Smiths" on a carrot and place it under Andy Rourke's windscreen wiper? Because even in this passive aggressive, cowardly gesture he wished to remind Rourke of the importance of being a pretentious vegetarian wanker?
Or because he wished to leave Andy a "bulbous salutation?"
I guess we'll never know.
 
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Anonymous

Guest
Hi kids, this is Robert Downey JR, I mean "Himmmm". Now that I dropped some bombshells on Kirk Douglas, I have some secrets about Morrissey I will soon be revealing here so watch this space. This revelations are not as scandalous as the ones I revealed about Douglas but they're still pretty bad. For example one of them involves Mozza chowing down on a huge juicy T-bone steak in a famous LA steakhouse with yours truly. It was the size of his head which means it was massive. He wore a cap and shades so his vegetarian image wouldn't be blown.
At one point Michael Keaton recognised my dining companion and tried to say hello, apparently he's a big fan, so I had to cover for Moz, pretending he was in fact Jamie Oliver.
After that Mozza and me got f***ed up on tequilla and went on a Hooters crawl. We went to every Hooters in LA and Moz ate bacon at every single one. The man loves his greasy bacon. He loves it so much it gave him a bulbous salutation which the Hooters girls mistakenly thought was for them.
This is just one of the many mind blowing revelations about my time with the Moz I am now ready to reveal. Watch this space.
Himmmm
 
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Anonymous

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Ooooh I always knew Morrissey was a closet carnivore, the filthy beast
 
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Anonymous

Guest
I am a Hollywood insider and I can confirm Mr Downey Jr's story about Morrissey's proclivity for steakhouses, here is a photo of him when he first visited LA in the early 90's, chowing down on a steak incognito in a hoodie and shades, back in his skinny days before the constant LA midnight meat binges changed him from an ectomorph into an endomorph.
Even the fact some of his American fans seen in the background had spotted him and were taking photos did not deter this meat maniac from his steak fix. I can confirm the dude likes his cow flesh thick and bloody

 
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Anonymous

Guest
I am also an anonymous Hollywood player and I can indeed confirm that Morrissey's midnight meat marathons are the stuff of legend in Tinsletown. Usually after a gig Mozza is pretty amped and thats when he fancies a late night feed on some juicy dead flesh. His carnivorous escapades are one of the worst kept secrets in Hollywood. But everybody here loves that miserable misanthrope so nobody has ever snitched on him to his adoring vegetarian fans.
I can reliably inform the readers that after his show at the Hollywood Bowl, Mozza went on a booze and burger bender with none other than disgraced film star Mel Gibson. The two of them got trashed on absinthe and then hit every McDonalds diner in town, with a heavily disguised and also severely crapulent Morrissey ordering two Big Macs at every single mcdonalds. He scoffed them down like a hungry animal, he loves Big Macs, can't get enough of them. Mel couldn't get over how many f***ing Big Macs Mozza put away that night. He was very impressed. Then the two of them went back to Mel's to watch Braveheart, and Mozza insisted on ordering a family sized meat lover's pizza. Mel couldn't believe Moz had room for it after all the Big Macs.
He really loves his meat, the Big Mozza.
 
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Anonymous

Guest
I once saw Morrissey at a pub in a motorbike helmet eating a huge turkey leg. Scoffing it he were. Didn't take his motorbike helmet off but I knew it were him, like. Couldn't fool me.
 
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Anonymous

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I can neither confirm nor deny any of the previous rumours on this thread, however I must add that I once witnessed Morrissey eating veal cutlets in a restaurant whilst wearing a balaclava
 
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Anonymous

Guest
I saw Morrissey eat a bacon sandwich once.

He was disguised as Ed Milliband
 
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Anonymous

Guest
Hey bros, I'm an anonymous fella from New Zealand aye. Recently Mozza was here touring the land of the long white cloud aye. I saw him come into a fush and chup restaurant where I happened to be dining, a real five star joint aye.
He was disguised as pommy comedian Stewart Lee and everybody bought it except me aye. I know Mozza when I see him bro. It was a fully sick disguise though aye. Cos he already looks a bit like him already aye.
Anyway the waiter comes up and sez "You ready to order yet Stewart Lee bro?"
And Mozza orders some deep fried Maui's dolphin with chups.
Everyone in the restaurant was really shocked aye. Cos Maui's dolphin is highly endangered, you're not supposed to order it. Aye. But Mozza just orders it bro. The waiter was shocked aye, everyone was.
Then when it arrives, a little deep fried baby dolphin, he just happily chomps away at it aye. Everyone in the restaurant was staring at him but he didn't even care. Everybody in New Zealand hates Stewart Lee now aye. They reckon he won't even be allowed back in the country. I told people it was really Morrissey but nobody believes me aye.
 
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