Painting and Drawing

Goofed up! Used too strong a paint and I'm lucky this portrait still looks human. Lots to learn here! Holy shit
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I asked another neighbor if I could take her picture and she obliged. I didn't tell her I was going to offer her $5 until after the picture was taken, because I didn't want to corrupt her composure. She was glad when I told her I was offering it. She said she's broke until next week. Yikes! I'll have to get some change soon. I'll be running out...but I want a picture of the woman who bought a painting, and I want a separate picture of her dog. I'll count that as $10 to her, if she lets me have their photos. I've got a tenner.
 
I'm not going to start painting in the morning anymore, if I have things to do, because I get bogged down until the painting's finished. I don't bathe, or go for a walk. I just hang around the unfinished painting, guarding it until I frame, mount, photograph, and post it.
 
And I don't do much painting. I brood around it. I putter, mope, yearn, almost twiddle my thumbs. Lack of confidence, fear of f***ing up, laziness, inertia. Taking the opportunity to paint for granted. Guilt guilt guilt. This was drummed into me by Mum. "You kids are lazy. You never help Mummy."

It's just that it's so shocking, to make a mistake. I grieve at almost every step of painting. Sometimes it's a joy. Usually, it's trying not to fall flat on my face. The fantastical painting I did last time was pretty breezy. The photograph based one I'm working on now is becoming a pleasure, I admit. I'm still afraid it might bite me though.
 
Tags
art artwork drama drawing drudgery expression fun fury painting
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