A bus full of ugly people crashes and everyone on board dies. Their souls ascend to the gates of Heaven where they meet God waiting for them. The Lord says to them "Since all of your lives were so miserable, I am going to grant each of you one wish before entering Paradise."
The first ugly person approaches God and says "I wish I were beautiful"
"Done" God says as the now beautiful person enters the gates.
The next person comes fourth and says "I wish I were beautiful too!"
God grants the person's wish, and then hears laughter at the back of the line. He ignores this and grants the next person's wish, which was also to become beautiful, and the laughter grows.
Everyone wishes for beauty until the last person, who is still cracking up. God picks him up and asks "And what is your wish, my child?"
The person catches his breath, and replies
A Scouser was in the job centre.
The advisor asked ''Have you done any work in the last two weeks?''
The Scouser looked at him and said ''Yeah, I painted the whole of the Forth Bridge''
''Don't take the piss'' the advisor said sternly.
''Well you started it'' said the Scouser