The.Truth.
Every.Single.Time.
Matt sounds like a friend of mine. He was like a stray dog until this woman moved in with him "because I'm here so much it doesn't make sense to rent two places" and then got pregnant shortly after. She basically put him on a leash and he seemed to enjoy having her control his life. All his friends quit going to his house because she would never leave you alone and the poor girl was dumb as f*** and very boring.I missed Matt being a pervert when he got married. Before he wed he was a mess of misguided testosterone even though he was in his forties. Totally straight but naively beguiled by everything outre and risqué. He loved the avante gard. He was your typical highly educated public school boy with boardy tendencies. We worked with a very well to do girl called Nikki. For some reason, he called her Tibbs. Every afternoon we'd congregate round his desk and have vegan chocolate and coffee and he saved the gold foil wrappers to make his own hot pants for Tibbs that he'd made out of the gold foil wrappers he'd stapled together. He used to put them on over his trousers and say 'do you they'll fit her??' ' He used to have an orange every dinner and hed peeled the skin off in the shape of a cock and balls and say,' that's for you ginger minge' I often used to come back from lunch and find a suggestive orange peel placed strategically on my chair. All that went out the window when he wed. Nikki once went to Glastonbury She said 'I'm slumming it and rocking out' It transpired her and her husband travelled down there in a 50ft winnibago. I imagined her cooking chips in the back of the winnibago, half way down the motorway. Her husband had a motorbike and she used to ride pinion behind him wearing a helmet with fake cat ears on it. One time they blew off and she only realised she'd lost them 15 or so miles up the road. They had to turn back and find her ears. They found them in the end but it put the dampers on their day out. I remember once, Matt was on the phone to a taxpayer and he had a bald head (he went bald in his late teens and his dad never forgave him) and I squashed a jam doughnut on his head and there was jam trickling down his forehead and he still kept a calm and professional persona. I took some polish out of my pedestal and wiped it off his head with a duster. All afternoon people were commenting that they could smell polish every time matt walked up and down the office. My manager was just like the manager from The Office. Always having a laugh. One time I saw his jacket on the coat rack and I said 'that's a nice jacket' He said 'try it on see what you think' I said 'oh it fits really nice' He said 'walk up and down the office in it, see how it feels'. So I did and I noticed that a guy from the auditors section was giving me fuuny looks. It transpired that it wasn't my manager, Nicks jacket. It belonged to the very stern chap from the auditors who was giving me strange looks.
Some people hate controlling women like that but it's really the man's fault for trying to change or hide who he is.
For example, I would go over and play guitars with him and suddenly we couldn't smoke weed if she was there, even if we went outside because he didn't want her to know he smoked it. But if she would go to the store we would go outside and smoke some and then he would brush his teeth and put stuff in his eyes so they weren't red. It was like she was his mother, not his wife.