that's what friends are for

what do you value most in a friend?

  • advice they give you / or seem to take from you

    Votes: 0 0.0%
  • shallow things, like how they look, $, basically what they can do for you

    Votes: 0 0.0%

  • Total voters
    4
  • Poll closed .

Oh my god. it's Robby!

spontaneously luminescent
tb_zps464bf818.jpg
 

Belligerent Ghoul

Hall of Famer
I am loyal to a fault - like a dog - loyalty is the most valued commodity (wrong word) in a relationship to me but because I define loyalty more broadly, or perhaps because it is not "loyalty" per se I voted other.

My best friend, a married woman with 2 kids, is always there for me. She takes time to listen in good times, in bad times, and in the vast majority of life that takes place in the middle. I do the same. The "advice" we have given each other has changed our lives, truly, and the impact we have had on each other is immense...like asteroids, meteors, comets colliding. Since we met, our lives have improved drastically and dramatically, in psychological ways, but even more in professional ways...careers that had stalled have taken off. I think it's the "being there" aspect - knowing someone is just a phone call away - knowing that someone would drive 250 miles to help at a moment's notice...this trumps the dictionary definition of advice and of loyalty. Perhaps, this is what we expect from a sibling, a family member, a spouse - I don't know. One gets all those rewards from such a friend and the objectivity, the outside perspective, that can come from not being a blood relation. I would jump in front of a flying bullet for Zarah and she would do the same for me. I can't even say that about all but two or three members of my rather large family (lots of cousins on both sides). It took nearly 40 years for me to know what real friendship is. I thought I knew growing up. I thought I knew when I was "in love." But it was only after I met Zarah that I realized that the person I thought was my "best friend" (another woman) actually was treating me like shit relatively speaking...someone I doubt would even show up to my funeral...or comfort me if I was in the hospital...because she's so very busy being a big shot medical doctor; Zarah is no less busy and her profession no less prestigious. I have not spoken to Zarah for a couple weeks. She could call right now, crying, laughing, telling me about work politics, and I would be present and give my undivided attention though she lives over 200 miles away. I could do the same. Does this fall neatly into any of the categories listed? Someone could be loyal to you, I guess, but simply not have the time. To that, I would say real friends MAKE the time. Again, real friends MAKE the time. "Be there" - even if you can't solve a problem with "advice" - listen and be present, try not judge too harshly, be gentle and kind. And if someone needs a nudge, if they are off so to speak, they generally already know it, so give your advice with grace, and try and frame things in a way, if you can, to where the realization comes from within your friend even if the notion originated with you. Having led parallel lives and/or giving and getting life changing advice...somehow reside in the same neighborhood as loyalty and being there...even though they are not the same things. I feel so very fortunate to have this person in my life, and when that kind of romantic chemistry is absent from two people of the opposite gender, well for me it's wonderful, because I have always related better to women even when growing up most of my friends were male. Even to have one person in this world "understand" you, to be "understood" and to "understand" another is enough. Thank You, Robby. Perhaps, I will send this to Zarah.
 

CrystalGeezer

My secret's my enzyme.
I am loyal to a fault - like a dog - loyalty is the most valued commodity (wrong word) in a relationship to me but because I define loyalty more broadly, or perhaps because it is not "loyalty" per se I voted other.

My best friend, a married woman with 2 kids, is always there for me. She takes time to listen in good times, in bad times, and in the vast majority of life that takes place in the middle. I do the same. The "advice" we have given each other has changed our lives, truly, and the impact we have had on each other is immense...like asteroids, meteors, comets colliding. Since we met, our lives have improved drastically and dramatically, in psychological ways, but even more in professional ways...careers that had stalled have taken off. I think it's the "being there" aspect - knowing someone is just a phone call away - knowing that someone would drive 250 miles to help at a moment's notice...this trumps the dictionary definition of advice and of loyalty. Perhaps, this is what we expect from a sibling, a family member, a spouse - I don't know. One gets all those rewards from such a friend and the objectivity, the outside perspective, that can come from not being a blood relation. I would jump in front of a flying bullet for Zarah and she would do the same for me. I can't even say that about all but two or three members of my rather large family (lots of cousins on both sides). It took nearly 40 years for me to know what real friendship is. I thought I knew growing up. I thought I knew when I was "in love." But it was only after I met Zarah that I realized that the person I thought was my "best friend" (another woman) actually was treating me like shit relatively speaking...someone I doubt would even show up to my funeral...or comfort me if I was in the hospital...because she's so very busy being a big shot medical doctor; Zarah is no less busy and her profession no less prestigious. I have not spoken to Zarah for a couple weeks. She could call right now, crying, laughing, telling me about work politics, and I would be present and give my undivided attention though she lives over 200 miles away. I could do the same. Does this fall neatly into any of the categories listed? Someone could be loyal to you, I guess, but simply not have the time. To that, I would say real friends MAKE the time. Again, real friends MAKE the time. "Be there" - even if you can't solve a problem with "advice" - listen and be present, try not judge too harshly, be gentle and kind. And if someone needs a nudge, if they are off so to speak, they generally already know it, so give your advice with grace, and try and frame things in a way, if you can, to where the realization comes from within your friend even if the notion originated with you. Having led parallel lives and/or giving and getting life changing advice...somehow reside in the same neighborhood as loyalty and being there...even though they are not the same things. I feel so very fortunate to have this person in my life, and when that kind of romantic chemistry is absent from two people of the opposite gender, well for me it's wonderful, because I have always related better to women even when growing up most of my friends were male. Even to have one person in this world "understand" you, to be "understood" and to "understand" another is enough. Thank You, Robby. Perhaps, I will send this to Zarah.

Don't you hate when your other friends mutual and otherwise speculate and make suggestions "there could be something more between those two..." :rolleyes:
 

Belligerent Ghoul

Hall of Famer
^^^^^
Her husband is the right man for her. She's not right in the head, and nor am I and this is why...
 

CrystalGeezer

My secret's my enzyme.
^^^^^
Her husband is the right man for her. She's not right in the head, and nor am I and this is why...

My friends keep hinting I should pursue a close friend of mine who I'm starting to think may be a longsuffering closeted gay. There is zero spark between us beyond pals but so many want there to be a spark bc it would be convenient for their gossip sessions. It's ridiculous.
 

Oh my god. it's Robby!

spontaneously luminescent
I am loyal to a fault - like a dog - loyalty is the most valued commodity (wrong word) in a relationship to me but because I define loyalty more broadly, or perhaps because it is not "loyalty" per se I voted other.

My best friend, a married woman with 2 kids, is always there for me. She takes time to listen in good times, in bad times, and in the vast majority of life that takes place in the middle. I do the same. The "advice" we have given each other has changed our lives, truly, and the impact we have had on each other is immense...like asteroids, meteors, comets colliding. Since we met, our lives have improved drastically and dramatically, in psychological ways, but even more in professional ways...careers that had stalled have taken off. I think it's the "being there" aspect - knowing someone is just a phone call away - knowing that someone would drive 250 miles to help at a moment's notice...this trumps the dictionary definition of advice and of loyalty. Perhaps, this is what we expect from a sibling, a family member, a spouse - I don't know. One gets all those rewards from such a friend and the objectivity, the outside perspective, that can come from not being a blood relation. I would jump in front of a flying bullet for Zarah and she would do the same for me. I can't even say that about all but two or three members of my rather large family (lots of cousins on both sides). It took nearly 40 years for me to know what real friendship is. I thought I knew growing up. I thought I knew when I was "in love." But it was only after I met Zarah that I realized that the person I thought was my "best friend" (another woman) actually was treating me like shit relatively speaking...someone I doubt would even show up to my funeral...or comfort me if I was in the hospital...because she's so very busy being a big shot medical doctor; Zarah is no less busy and her profession no less prestigious. I have not spoken to Zarah for a couple weeks. She could call right now, crying, laughing, telling me about work politics, and I would be present and give my undivided attention though she lives over 200 miles away. I could do the same. Does this fall neatly into any of the categories listed? Someone could be loyal to you, I guess, but simply not have the time. To that, I would say real friends MAKE the time. Again, real friends MAKE the time. "Be there" - even if you can't solve a problem with "advice" - listen and be present, try not judge too harshly, be gentle and kind. And if someone needs a nudge, if they are off so to speak, they generally already know it, so give your advice with grace, and try and frame things in a way, if you can, to where the realization comes from within your friend even if the notion originated with you. Having led parallel lives and/or giving and getting life changing advice...somehow reside in the same neighborhood as loyalty and being there...even though they are not the same things. I feel so very fortunate to have this person in my life, and when that kind of romantic chemistry is absent from two people of the opposite gender, well for me it's wonderful, because I have always related better to women even when growing up most of my friends were male. Even to have one person in this world "understand" you, to be "understood" and to "understand" another is enough. Thank You, Robby. Perhaps, I will send this to Zarah.
no, thank you, that was nice to read :)
 
A

Anonymous

Guest
love is sacrifice. its as true now as it was in nicomachean ethics.
 
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