What am I doing wrong?

Peeks

New Member
Okay thought I'd get some opinions or thoughts from fellow Solo-ers. Okay so what am I doing wrong? I've never had a boyfriend or anything close to that, and I've really never been approached by anyone ever. I look at other people my age and they seem to have no problems with this at all. I really don't understand why. I honestly don't think I'll ever be in a relationship, and I'm more than okay with that, but sometimes I just wish I knew what it was like.

*sigh* needless to say, Morrissey lyrics help me out quite a bit.

Just so there's a discussion, does anyone else have this same problem or experiences?:o
 

shawnxvx

funemployment!

nugz

SUPAHSTAR!

then you have plenty of time. I wouldn't really worry. didnt have my first real relationship til i was about that age.

just wanted to add, most likely you're not doing anything wrong. just havent met anyone awesome enough. and that's fine. never settle.
 

Mmmmmm

Dangling Member
Well, let Dr. Mmmmmm give you his 2 cents.

Let's take a good look at your words which - since we don't know you - is all we have to go on.

Issue #1: You are asking advice from people you don't know online. You might be seeking validation; a friendly "it's okay" rather than some genuine advice on what you need to change. Find a real friend. Ask her to be objective, then be okay with what she says.

Issue #2: You say "Okay so what am I doing wrong?" You are assuming in this statement that you are doing something wrong. It may be so, but acting on this premise shows the sort of self-esteem only an abuser could love.

Issue #3: You say "I've never had a boyfriend or anything close to that". I'd like to say that that is okay, but by age 23 it's not exactly normal. Unless you live in some remote region where the opposite sex (I presume) is hard to come by, it's time to hook up.

Issue #4: You say "I've really never been approached by anyone ever." Guys don't like really passive women - the kind that watch other couples and don't actively try to become part of one themselves. Well, predators do. What happens when you approach guys?

Issue #5: You say "I look at other people my age and they seem to have no problems with this at all. I really don't understand why." Remember, 90% of relationships will end - many in misery. Their problem is that they ARE in a relationship.

Issue #6: You say "I honestly don't think I'll ever be in a relationship, and I'm more than okay with that". No you aren't. You've just wondered what you are doing "wrong", you don't understand why and you wish you knew what it was like. You are convincing yourself that you are okay with something you are clearly not, which sounds like the heart of your problem. Too much thinking, wishing and advice seeking from strangers and not enough chasing some man meat.

Issue #7: You say "sometimes I just wish I knew what it was like." Let your curiosity be your incentive for finding out. You are hard wired to find romance and sex enjoyable. And it can be incredibly wonderful. Don't listen to people who say "its okay to never be loved". They'd all jump to hump given a fair chance and a pleasing partner.

Issue #8: You say "Morrissey lyrics help me out quite a bit." Morrissey is a wicked silver-tongued enabler. Try Marvin Gaye.
 

Neader

"Take me out tonight"
Well, let Dr. Mmmmmm give you his 2 cents.

Let's take a good look at your words which - since we don't know you - is all we have to go on.

Issue #1: You are asking advice from people you don't know online. You might be seeking validation; a friendly "it's okay" rather than some genuine advice on what you need to change. Find a real friend. Ask her to be objective, then be okay with what she says.

Issue #2: You say "Okay so what am I doing wrong?" You are assuming in this statement that you are doing something wrong. It may be so, but acting on this premise shows the sort of self-esteem only an abuser could love.

Issue #3: You say "I've never had a boyfriend or anything close to that". I'd like to say that that is okay, but by age 23 it's not exactly normal. Unless you live in some remote region where the opposite sex (I presume) is hard to come by, it's time to hook up.

Issue #4: You say "I've really never been approached by anyone ever." Guys don't like really passive women - the kind that watch other couples and don't actively try to become part of one themselves. Well, predators do. What happens when you approach guys?

Issue #5: You say "I look at other people my age and they seem to have no problems with this at all. I really don't understand why." Remember, 90% of relationships will end - many in misery. Their problem is that they ARE in a relationship.

Issue #6: You say "I honestly don't think I'll ever be in a relationship, and I'm more than okay with that". No you aren't. You've just wondered what you are doing "wrong", you don't understand why and you wish you knew what it was like. You are convincing yourself that you are okay with something you are clearly not, which sounds like the heart of your problem. Too much thinking, wishing and advice seeking from strangers and not enough chasing some man meat.

Issue #7: You say "sometimes I just wish I knew what it was like." Let your curiosity be your incentive for finding out. You are hard wired to find romance and sex enjoyable. And it can be incredibly wonderful. Don't listen to people who say "its okay to never be loved". They'd all jump to hump given a fair chance and a pleasing partner.

Issue #8: You say "Morrissey lyrics help me out quite a bit." Morrissey is a wicked silver-tongued enabler. Try Marvin Gaye.

Make love to me now
 

Disappointed

With Everything
To start off with, you aren't doing anything wrong at all. As Mmmmm stated already, that attitude sounds like a sign of low self-esteem, which is exactly what predatory and abusive males look for in women.

I never even went out on a date with a guy until I was 19 years old. At that point, I decided that I was tired of being sexless and dateless, and created a profile on an online dating site. The predators then started popping out of the woodwork, though, unfortunately, because I had no romantic experience, I didn't recognize that they were predators.

Like you, I had very, very low self-esteem, thought I was weird, thought that I was extremely unattractive, and was over-eager for any sort of sexual experience with any guy who was willing.

Because of this attitude, I was involved with a series of predators and just plain crazies, and had many experiences that I deeply regret. It wasn't until I was 22 years old (2 years ago) that I finally found a man who genuinely loves me, and who I have a wonderful relationship with.

If you'd like to talk about this a bit more, feel free to IM me. Right now, the best advice that I can give you is not to try online dating yet--I think that it's a mistake for a person without any sexual/romantic experience to jump right into online dating. Instead, I think that you need to join some clubs, take some classes, and/or start volunteering. Not only will you enjoy yourself doing these things, but you'll make friends, both male and female, and you'll meet guys who share interests with you, and who you can get to know first before anything else happens.
 

Peeks

New Member
Well, let Dr. Mmmmmm give you his 2 cents.

Let's take a good look at your words which - since we don't know you - is all we have to go on.

Issue #1: You are asking advice from people you don't know online. You might be seeking validation; a friendly "it's okay" rather than some genuine advice on what you need to change. Find a real friend. Ask her to be objective, then be okay with what she says.

Issue #2: You say "Okay so what am I doing wrong?" You are assuming in this statement that you are doing something wrong. It may be so, but acting on this premise shows the sort of self-esteem only an abuser could love.

Issue #3: You say "I've never had a boyfriend or anything close to that". I'd like to say that that is okay, but by age 23 it's not exactly normal. Unless you live in some remote region where the opposite sex (I presume) is hard to come by, it's time to hook up.

Issue #4: You say "I've really never been approached by anyone ever." Guys don't like really passive women - the kind that watch other couples and don't actively try to become part of one themselves. Well, predators do. What happens when you approach guys?

Issue #5: You say "I look at other people my age and they seem to have no problems with this at all. I really don't understand why." Remember, 90% of relationships will end - many in misery. Their problem is that they ARE in a relationship.

Issue #6: You say "I honestly don't think I'll ever be in a relationship, and I'm more than okay with that". No you aren't. You've just wondered what you are doing "wrong", you don't understand why and you wish you knew what it was like. You are convincing yourself that you are okay with something you are clearly not, which sounds like the heart of your problem. Too much thinking, wishing and advice seeking from strangers and not enough chasing some man meat.

Issue #7: You say "sometimes I just wish I knew what it was like." Let your curiosity be your incentive for finding out. You are hard wired to find romance and sex enjoyable. And it can be incredibly wonderful. Don't listen to people who say "its okay to never be loved". They'd all jump to hump given a fair chance and a pleasing partner.

Issue #8: You say "Morrissey lyrics help me out quite a bit." Morrissey is a wicked silver-tongued enabler. Try Marvin Gaye.


Hmm not quite sure if your diagnostics entirely correct Dr. Mmmm.

#1 I've asked plenty of friends and I always get the "it's okay, don't worry" advice from them, so thought I'd go ahead and ask on this forum, where I think others might be having the same issue.

#2 I asked it that way because I would like to know what I could possibly be doing wrong, I'm curious if the people posting on here could have a broader perspective of what I could be doing wrong. And I don't think self esteem has anything to do with me asking this, I'm very sure of myself and I have a keen eye for people and their motives, must be why I'm single!

#3 That's why I asked in the first place!

#4 Nothing happens! That's the thing.

#5 mhm, that's why I'm weary about relationships in the first place.

#6 Being single and free for this long, it really does give you a different perspective on relationships and couples and what they are or what they entail. Truthfully, I'm completely okay and fine being alone (no I'm not saying this because Morrissey sang it, one of the reasons I fell in love with YOR was because of this song and my sentiments.), I don't think I'd really enjoy being in a relationship AT ALL, and I say that wholeheartedly. BUT having said that, I do go through bought where I would like to know what it's like, it's short lived, but it happens.

#7 I'm one of those "its okay to never be loved" people, because let's face it, half of people in relationships are miserable, so why put up with it?

#8 It's one of the main reasons I fell in love with Morrissey~
 

Peeks

New Member
To start off with, you aren't doing anything wrong at all. As Mmmmm stated already, that attitude sounds like a sign of low self-esteem, which is exactly what predatory and abusive males look for in women.

I never even went out on a date with a guy until I was 19 years old. At that point, I decided that I was tired of being sexless and dateless, and created a profile on an online dating site. The predators then started popping out of the woodwork, though, unfortunately, because I had no romantic experience, I didn't recognize that they were predators.

Like you, I had very, very low self-esteem, thought I was weird, thought that I was extremely unattractive, and was over-eager for any sort of sexual experience with any guy who was willing.

Because of this attitude, I was involved with a series of predators and just plain crazies, and had many experiences that I deeply regret. It wasn't until I was 22 years old (2 years ago) that I finally found a man who genuinely loves me, and who I have a wonderful relationship with.

If you'd like to talk about this a bit more, feel free to IM me. Right now, the best advice that I can give you is not to try online dating yet--I think that it's a mistake for a person without any sexual/romantic experience to jump right into online dating. Instead, I think that you need to join some clubs, take some classes, and/or start volunteering. Not only will you enjoy yourself doing these things, but you'll make friends, both male and female, and you'll meet guys who share interests with you, and who you can get to know first before anything else happens.

Thank you for your perspective on this Disappointed! I'm in no rush whatsoever to be in a relationship at all, like I've said, I'm very weary of ever going into one because I know how miserable people tend to be in them, I've never fully understood why people put up with other people like that. And also, I'm weary of people's motives at times. So I'm in no rush, I'm just a tad curious why I've never really gotten approached like other people tend to be is all, and I wanted to know if anyone else was experiencing this.
Again, thanks for your insight:)
 

Black Cloud

Case Sensitive
Don't worry about any of that; you're thinking too much. Just relax and smile at guys who seem interesting. Don't treat them like perverts for smiling back or saying hello. You might want to be cautious about the ones who chase you down the street, though.
 

Happy Maudlin

Corinthian and Caricature
Don't worry about any of that; you're thinking too much. Just relax and smile at guys who seem interesting. Don't treat them like perverts for smiling back or saying hello. You might want to be cautious about the ones who chase you down the street, though.

That's good advice. I need to do that more.
 

largactil

Retaining Mystique
Don't worry about any of that; you're thinking too much. Just relax and smile at guys who seem interesting. Don't treat them like perverts for smiling back or saying hello. You might want to be cautious about the ones who chase you down the street, though.

I would do this if I found anyone interesting enough to smile at. Sigh.
 

largactil

Retaining Mystique
Now I wouldn't say exceptionally hideous!

But no in seriousness, I've been told the opposite actually!

That could be why! There is no way in the fiery pits of hell I would EVER approach someone I think is extremely attractive, in fact I wouldn't approach someone I thought was average. So it's probably no different for men..
 

The Seeker of Good Songs

Well-Known Member
Now I wouldn't say exceptionally hideous!

But no in seriousness, I've been told the opposite actually!


let's see
 
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