Your Smiths / Morrissey song given a festive makeover

Jukebox Jury

Retired
Dave.Jay1 started this off half way through another thread and I thought it deserved its own thread as it would be lost otherwise.
Dave.Jay1 started the song below with the first three lines and I did the rest. Can anyone else come up with another song?

Jukebox Jury

Everyday is like Christmas

"Trudging slowly over wet sleet...
Back to the bus-stop bench,
where your Bag of prezzies were stolen....."
......this is the snow locked town
that they forgot to plough down
Father Christmas,
Come Father Christmas
come Father Christmas come

everyday is like Christmas
with cranberry sauce and cold turkey

Hide in a grotto, etch a Christmas card
how I dearly wish I drank mulled wine
in the frozen town
that they forgot to decorate
come, come Rudolf and friends

everyday is like Christmas
with cranberry sauce and cold turkey

Trudging back over slush and council grit
and a snow flake lands on your hand
and on your face, on your face (etc)

Everyday is like Christmas
With the Wizard of Oz on TV
Share some missletoe with me
everyday is cranberry sauce and turkey*

*a little controversial I know, but it rhymed!

Jukebox Jury
 
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Avocado

New Member
My Love Life (Christmas Mix)

Sant-Aah ...
Come on to my house
Come on and do something new
I know you slide down chimneys so
Why can't you try something new?

Sant-Aah ...
Give a little something
Give a little something
To my stocking
To my stocking
My stocking
Oh ...

Sant-Aah ...
I know you love to drink sherry
Why don't you love brandy too, love?
Oh, love to ...

Give a little something
Give a little something
To my pine tree
To my pine tree
My pine tree
Oh ...

I know you love mince pies so
Why don't you love stollen too, love ?
Love to ...

Oh, give a ...
Wi-Fi
Scalextric
Sant-Aah ...
iPod
Flat screen TV
Sant-Aah ...
You know I love
My Christmas list
So...
Come on to my house
 

Avocado

New Member
I Have Forgiven Santa

"I've been a good kid
I won't do you no harm
I've been a nice kid
With a nice paper round
Give me a brand new toy
And bring me the batteries
With your help I know
I'll be the talk of the playground"

But Santa hurt me
When he ignored me, but

I have forgiven Santa
For all the desire
He placed in me with the ads on the telly
And made me want it all

All year, I was a good kid
And through hail and snow I went
Just to sit on his knee
I carried my list in my hand
He didn't understand
He didn't understand
And Santa hurt me
When he ignored me, but

I have forgiven Santa
For all of the hope
He placed in me
He's got shares in ITV

Christmas Eve - anticipation
Christmas Day - humiliation
Boxing Day - resignation
27th December - extra bank holiday!
By Friday pressie is in a bag
By Saturday it's at Oxfam

(Oh humph!, Oh humph humph humph!)

Why did you give me
So much desire?
When I saw you at the mall
To offload my desires?
And why did you give me
So much hope
In a Christmas world
When you're more like Simon Cowell
But with a million lookylikies?
And why did you bring me socks
And a book about trainspotting?
Santa - do you hate me?
Do you hate me? do you hate me?
Do you hate me? do you hate me?
Do you hate me?
 

Jukebox Jury

Retired
Irish Blood, Greenland Heart

Irish Blood, Greenland Heart this I'm made of
there is no one on earth I'm afraid of
and no regime, can buy or sell my gifts

I've been dreaming of a time when
to be Santa, is not to be baneful
To be standing by the sleigh not feeling shameful, capitalist or communist

Irish blood, Greenland heart this I'm made of
there is no one on earth I'm afraid of
and I will die
with my reindeer by my side

I've been dreaming of a time when
the children, are sick to death of Barbie and Lego
and spit upon the name GI Joe-oo
and salute this production line that's called Matel
and will Matel forever.......
 
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Anonymous1

Nobody knows me
The Toy Race Car (The Boy Racer)

It takes too many batteries and
It costs too much money and
It's got too many sharp edges
He wants its, that's all

Have you seen it on TV, though, oh ?
Have you seen it on TV, though, oh ?
Toy race car
Toy race car, oh
We're gonna buy this stupid toy
Toy race car
Toy race car, oh
We're gonna buy this stupid toy

He's got too many toys now
He told Santa he wants more
He misbehaves and he's never on the naughty list

Have you seen it on TV, though, oh ?
Have you seen it on TV, though, oh ?
Toy race car
Toy race car, oh
We're gonna buy this stupid toy
Toy race car
Toy race car, oh
We're gonna buy this stupid toy

He thinks he's got the toy car in his stocking
Stood at the festival
He thinks he's got the toy car in his stocking
And I just might ... buy it !
Oh, no !
Oh, no !
Oh, no !
Oh, no !
Oh, no !
Oh, no !
Oh, no !
Oh, no !
Oh, no !
Oh ....
 
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Jukebox Jury

Retired
You Have Billed Me (song for the credit card company)

Spending money is me
paying back, I'll never be
I entered my pin number
but no money came to me
until you came with the safe key
you did your best but

as I live and breathe,
you have billed me,
you have billed me
yes I splash the cash somehow
but you have billed me
you have billed me

Pizza hut meals - that's what my cards are for

Spendthrift is me
saving up I'll never be
I entered the shop
and walked out with the goods
to give to you
on Christmas day

As I live and breathe
you have billed me
you have billed me
yes, I splash the cash - somehow
but you have billed me
you have billed me

who am I that I
is asked to pay (ay, ay, ay)

As I live and breathe
you have billed me
you have billed me
yes, I splash the cash - somehow
but you have billed me
you have billed me
and there is no point charging me interest
and there is no point charging me interest
coz I'm not paying
I'm not paying
always I dont
I'm not paying.

Jukebox Jury
 
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Stuheff

Sing your Strife
Chrisappointed

My unsleepable 5 year old,
Hears some sleigh bells on a cold wind,
All your friends and your foes,
Would rather have Qourn pie, than Turkey
To say the Least Oh, truly over cooked,
Truly, truly, truly oh oh

I drank too much
and I ate too much
and now theres nowhere to go but back for more,

Young boy, Hows your new toys?
"See these Lines? truly dissappointed"
Truly truly truly

Dont talk to me no, about My family Xmas,
Cause I have spent every Christmas, in ruins,
because of bloody family rows,
Oh theres Dad, hes had too much drink,
Oh now he goes back for an-nother,
oh no, oh no.

Oh Mum, one day, you'll stop complaining
But the thing is you know, the garage, was the only place open.

Thats the last present I will ever buy,
Oh ive changed my mind again,

good night and thank you.... (for the socks).
 

Jukebox Jury

Retired
Chrisappointed

My unsleepable 5 year old,
Hears some sleigh bells on a cold wind,
All your friends and your foes,
Would rather have Qourn pie, than Turkey
To say the Least Oh, truly over cooked,
Truly, truly, truly oh oh

I drank too much
and I ate too much
and now theres nowhere to go but back for more,

Young boy, Hows your new toys?
"See these Lines? truly dissappointed"
Truly truly truly

Dont talk to me no, about My family Xmas,
Cause I have spent every Christmas, in ruins,
because of bloody family rows,
Oh theres Dad, hes had too much drink,
Oh now he goes back for an-nother,
oh no, oh no.

Oh Mum, one day, you'll stop complaining
But the thing is you know, the garage, was the only place open.

Thats the last present I will ever buy,
Oh ive changed my mind again,

good night and thank you.... (for the socks).

:laughing:

Jukebox Jury
 

Stuheff

Sing your Strife
Now My Suitcase is Full

Theres gonna be some trouble
A whole house will need rebuilding,
And everyone I love in the house will retreat to the other room quite soon,
My girlfriend smashes a glass in her hand
And I think I may have pushed it
Too far this time

Tell all my friends
I dont have too many that I lll be living with them in the New Year
John Lewis, Debenhams, Argos, Comet,
Went to Wilkos - Got her a Knife set
HMV - had a Friends boxed set
I was blind again, I couldnt find it again, so she got Jimmy Tarbuck live...

And now i have bought Her Rubbish,
And now I have bought her crap
And i just cant wrap it up
So i wont even... try tooo.

John Lewis, Debenhams, Argos, Comet,
Where were the Lingerie shops in November?
Loafing Oafs in All night Chemists
Id have been better off at the Total Garage
Underwrapped, expect dissappointment,
Ah, but Jewelley would have done,
I was blind again, I couldnt find it again,

And now i have bought Her rubbish,
And now I have bought her crap
And i just cant wrap it up
So i wont even... try tooo.

Could you pass by,
Could you pass by,
will you pass by,
The nearest Co-Op and get me out of trouble....

And now i have bought Her rubbish,
And now I have bought her crap
And i just cant wrap it up
So i wont even... try tooo.
 

Jukebox Jury

Retired
London

Snow
Lingers 'round your fingers
Bus
Heave on - to Woolworths
Do you think you've bought
The right present for Gran this time?

You left
Your dads socks on the bus seat
coz you think they're shite and he wont like them
But didn't you see the price of those mince pies
and those stupid bloody Santa ties ?
And do you think you've made
Enough Christmas pudding this time?

You bought
Your girlfriend a huge big dildo
When she really asked you for a CD from Dido
But she didn't complain
and used it all day
and the next day

So do you think you'll buy
a rampant rabbit next time?

Jukebox Jury
 

Franzanna

In retirement
The Fewer Gifts You Give Me, The More I Will Send

The fewer gifts you give me, the more I will send,
I'm wasting my cash.
The fewer gifts you give me, the more I will send,
I'm wasting my cash.

I will get you jewellery,
An iPhone touch, and a TV.
I have now maxed out my card
Buying your presents
Whether you want them or do not.
Yeah, I've maxed out my card.

The fewer gifts you give me, the more I will send,
I'm wasting my cash.
The fewer gifts you give me, the more I will send,
I'm wasting my cash.

Beware, I've lost the receipts,
So you can't return all my treats.
When you sleep, I will creep
Into your house, leave your gifts there
And take mine away, take the easy way
And leave mine out.
Yeah, leave mine out,
Oh, leave mine...
Oh, leave mine out.

Here's yours!
Here's yours!
Here's yours!
Here's yours!
Here's yours!
Yours, yours, yours, yours.

Ooh, give me miiiine...

Ah, the more I will send.
Ah, I didn't know what to get.
Ah, the more I will send.
Ooh, the more I...
 

Stuheff

Sing your Strife
Mama Lay softly on the Cross Stitch

Mama, why did you do it?
Mama, who drove you to it

Was it my bloody wife?
Playing a joke on you?
Uncivil siblings,
Aiming to ruin my present from you...

Ohh....

That jumper, is ,well , knitted by you,
Its just bloody horrible, thats all...

Mama, who told you id like it?
Mama, who told you purple Hessian is in Fashion?

Was it that Cousin, Dave,
Who has no sense of taste?
Best mates or others
Whoever, Ill slit their throats for you...

That jumper, is , well , well, knitted by you,
Its just bloody horrible, thats all...

That jumper, and its Blue reindeer, are a sight thats true mama
Its just they dont go with my brown shirt thats all...

So im gonna run to you,
Im gonna plead with you,
Im gonna walk up behind you

So im gonna run to you,
Im gonna plead with you,
Im gonna walk up behind you

And Ill say straight to your face...
Theres no way in gods name ill wear it
past xmas day..
And Ill then wrap it up next year,
for cousin Dave.
 

Jukebox Jury

Retired
What Difference Does It Make?

All men give presents and here is mine
so open it now
for we have been through great Harrods sales,
to buy this Paris Hilton perfume for you?
and yet you start to complain,
because you wanted Jade Goody's instead
but still I'd leap in front of a flying sleigh for you

So, what difference does it make?
They both smell just the same?
it makes none
and Jade Goody has gone
and all I want is to have a shag tonight

The Paris Hilton bottle cost more than a bob or two
So I stole it and I lied, and why?
because i couldn't afford to buy!
but now you make me feel so ashamed
because I haven't bought you Jade
well, but I'm still fond of gloves

So, what difference does it make?
they both just smell the same?
it makes none
and now Jade has gone
and your new pyjamas won't keep you warm tonight

Oh the Jade Goody perfume really smells like poo
I bought the Paris and wrapped it up for you
but now you've gone and opened it up
you won't see me anymore
well, I'll say f*** off to you (oh oh oh)

So, but no more silky ties
no more, no more silky ties
I'm so tired
Of receiving silky ties
I'd rather have a pair of slippers instead
and I'm still fond of gloves (oh oh oh)

Oh my sacred scarf

Jukebox Jury
 
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Stuheff

Sing your Strife
:guitar:
What Difference Does It Make?

All men give presents and here is mine
so open it now
for we have been through great Harrods sales,
to buy this Paris Hilton perfume for you?
and yet you start to complain,
because you wanted Jade Goody's instead
but still I'd leap in front of a flying sleigh for you

So, what difference does it make?
They both smell just the same?
it makes none
and Jade Goody has gone
and all I want is to have a shag tonight

The Paris Hilton bottle cost more than a bob or two
So I stole it and I lied, and why?
because i couldn't afford to buy!
but now you make me feel so ashamed
because I've gone an bought you Jade
well, but I'm still fond of gloves

So, what difference does it make?
they both just smell the same?
it makes none
and now Jade has gone
and your new pyjamas won't keep you warm tonight

Oh the Jade Goody perfume really smells like poo
I bought the Paris and wrapped it up for you
but now you've gone and opened it up
you won't see me anymore
well, I'll say f*** off to you (oh oh oh)

So, but no more silky ties
no more, no more silky ties
I'm so tired
Of receiving silky ties
I'd rather have a pair of slippers instead
and I'm still fond of gloves (oh oh oh)

Oh my sacred scarf

Jukebox Jury

:guitar:
 

Stuheff

Sing your Strife
Where is everyone elses god damn effort?? This took me a whole 5 mins this afternoon to come up with my crap songs?

Where's the rubbish from everyone else????
 

Avocado

New Member
Panic

Panic in the aisles of Tesco
Panic in the aisles of Sainbury's
I wonder to myself
Could life ever be sane again ?
The crushed holly berries made me slip down
I wonder to myself
Hopes may rise on Christmas Eve
But even mince pies are not safe here
So you run down
To the safety of the Spar
But there's Panic in the aisles of the Co-op
Budgens, Waitrose, Morrisons
I wonder to myself

Burn down the High Street
Hang the Christmas shopping
Because the rubbish that they constantly sell
SAYS NOTHING TO ME ABOUT MY LIFE
Hang the Christmas muzak
Because the jangly stuff they constantly play

Try to find a side-street you can slip down
Before grandma brings the egg nog round

Jingle jangle, jingle jangle, jingle jangle
Jingle jangle, jingle jangle, jingle jangle
Jingle jangle, jingle jangle, jingle jangle
Jingle jangle, jingle jangle
Jingle jangle, jingle jangle
Jingle jangle, jingle jangle, jingle jangle
Jingle jangle, jingle jangle
Jingle jangle, jingle jangle
Jingle jangle, jingle jangle, jingle jangle
Jingle jangle, jingle jangle
Jingle jangle, jingle jangle
Jingle jangle, jingle jangle, jingle jangle
Jingle jangle
 
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