Paint a vulgar picture

Just been emailing my ex about a few things left that need to be sorted. He says he's angry with me, he says I'm treating him like shit because I only contact him when I want to organise getting his things out of my house. How can he not know it's because it hurts too much to talk to him?
I was so happy with him, I had a life all planned out with him, house, kids, everything and now, nothing.
When we lived together yeah I had no job, no friends and nothing of my own but I had a man who loved me. I should of just been happy to concentrate on his needs and making him happy but no, I had to be selfish, I just needed to have a life of my own, I needed to have self-worth not based on him, when did I become this self-centred?
And I had to choose the 'best' university, why didn't I just go to Liverpool? we could of seen each other every weekend and kept it going, what was I thinking going 400 miles away? it was never gonna work!
I've changed so much in one year, I'm more self-sufficient, I have friends, I have a life that's 'mine' instead of 'ours' but what has it brought me? I've lost the man I love and I've fallen so hard I can't even think straight for another man who could never see me as anything other then a 'friend'.
I've really f***ed everything up, is a life of my own really worth all this?

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At the moment I'm having trouble seeing anything other then pain. I wish I could get my friend to see me as more but I'm way too honest with him so it's becoming less and less likely every time I speak to him.
 

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