There Must Be Something.......

What`s wrong with you ? Why don`t you smile more ? I can`t answer those questions : out loud to anyone anyway. I can admit it to myself though. What`s wrong with me ? For one thing I am terribly unhappy. For another I've been feeling horribly lonely lately. I do have my family and believe me I`m really grateful for that and I know some people have it much worse than I do. I am very aware of that. I know what makes me feel so alone. It`s what`s wrong with me and it`s what sometimes makes my life feel lonely and miserable. It hurts me the most at when it gets dark. When I lay my head down on the pillow that`s when it hits me the hardest .My mind races and I can`t sleep without the aid of medication. My thoughts are what torture me the most. They tell me how useless and worthless I am. They go through every worse case scenario on a loop in my head. They tell me how alone I am and I just feel so f***ing lonely. I can talk to my Mom and sisters about it but the words just don`t come out. I have real difficulty letting out my feelings. I tend to keep everything I feel on the inside. I must be doing a crappy job of it lately because I can`t seem to paste on a fake smile. I say I`m okay but inside I just feel so sad.

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Tibby
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