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Saturday June 10, 06
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10:57 AM - Maya Assails
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Ah, to mute incessant streams of compulsive thinking via whiskey sours...
Having had more than our fair share of drinks at Playa Naco we surfed the sea of lunacy ever so naturally and ultimately, we mutually decided it best to taxi ourselves into Puerto Plata, where loads of silliness quickly ensued.
Wanting to gel with the locals we requested we be dropped at a local dive. Of course, everything was utterly rundown so finding a dive was easier than leveling France. Seriously, poverty, in all its forms, was omni-present and if truth be known this surprised me to an extent as for some reason or another I truly didn't think that it would be as bad as it was. Really, I'd actually imagined it to be slightly less desperate than the streets of Cuba - where I'd initially intended on vacationing - but it wasn't. it was just as unsettling. Even the street cats, strange dogs and ugly-as-sin donkeys looked deathly ill. That said, we -- two drunken, wide-eyed upstarts from 1st world nations -- were off and into the depths of ghettos gutted of everything but despair. Oh yeah there we were, even though we weren't all there. Brilliant.
Sloshed, we approached the entrance to this nasty little shack awash in the funk of failure (even by Dominican standards) and, once inside, we took our seats and ordered up our drinks. The lights dimmed. As we sat sipping cervezas and inhaling our surroundings music began pumping and to my surprise, off in the distance, what appeared to be a be-seizured monkey started twisting about violently on the floor, and on all fours. I went to investigate. "Cerveza! Cerveza! Uno cerveza!" the creature shouted as it covered it's face, but not its orangutang-esque boobs. Oh crap(!) I thought... we were in the Dominican Republic's most disgusting strip club! Cursed taxi driver!
Anyway, I returned with the beer that the beast was so loud about wanting and when I did, she turned to me and sported what can only be discribed as an orthodontist's worst nightmare.
Teeth! Bloody hell did this poor creature ever have 'em! Broken, out, sideways, brown, bloody, yellow, short, long... it was traumatizing! Anyway, quickly, I rushed back to the table where we were sat and explained what had happened to the tourist girl that had come with me. So of course, tourist girl went up, became hip to the sitch herself, returned to our table trying not to laugh and said: "Yeah, okay... good luck with that one buddy!" tapped me on the shoulder and headed towards the restroom. Nice. So there I sat for what seemed like an eternity before the tourist from Tulsa returned from the ladies room.
Yes, there I sat. Paralyzed by mental images and wondering how on earth I was ever going to return to normal after having witnessed teethzilla, I convinced myself to drink another two or three drinks. Yes, that was the solution and of course, when talking to yourself drunk, you're ultimately taking council from a madman but that mattered little to me at the time as all I wanted to do was forget. Get right smashed and forget. Obviously, as I'm typing up my account of the evening, forgetting via drinks didn't quite work. Pity.
The evening progressed and we eventually made our way back to our resort, which was just outside the ever so colourful inner-city. On route, we talked rather vividly about the evening we'd just experienced. The slum mums, drinks and shuddersome peelers were all banter for the boulevard. Anyway, we eventually said our good nights and I walked back to my room and went to bed. Yes, and as I attempted falling asleep I thought for a moment and realized something mildly interesting. See, I'd concluded that despite everything we'd done, it was still rather early and more importantly, it was the first night since touching down on the island a few days prior that I'd actually crashed before sunrise.
Such a brilliant time.
Netherlands will take the World Cup,
Sullen
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Mental images-.... dental images rather, hm?
This was a slightly different travel report, amusig to read - glad you've made it out of her fangs!
I'd recommend you to read "platform" by Michel Houellebecq - in case you haven't already!
x sweetness