the "Did you know" thread

Did you know that you can't take Weenie Babies with you into the bath?
Propey didnt, and his mom had to call a plumber!

You should have seen his face when he pulled a stuffed wee wee from the drain! :D

lgvinacv3.jpg
 

andy_fozzy

Banned
DON'T waste money on expensive iPods. Simply think of your favourite
tune and hum it. If you want to "switch tracks", simply think of
another song you like and hum that instead.

CINEMA goers. Please have consideration for pirate DVD viewers by
having a p*ss before the film starts.

RAPPERS. Avoid having to say 'know what I'm sayin' all the time by
actually speaking clearly in the first place.

DON'T waste money on expensive paper shredders to avoid having your
identity stolen. Simply place a few dog turds in the bin bags along
with your old bank statements.

RED WINE DRINKERS Worried that your teeth will be stained after a
heavy night of drinking red wine? Simply drink a bottle of white wine
before going to bed to remove the stains.

SOLDIERS Invest in a digital camera to avoid all that court martial
tomfoolery after a trip to Trueprint.

MURDERERS Need to dispose of a body? Simply parcel it up and post it
to yourself via DHL. You will never see it again.

BURGLARS. When fleeing from the police, run with your right arm
sticking Out at 90 degrees, wrapped in a baby mattress in case they
set one of their dogs on you.

EMPLOYERS Avoid hiring unlucky people by immediately tossing half the
CVs into the bin.

MEN When listening to your favourite CD, simply turn up the sound to
the volume you desire; then turn it down three notches. This will save
your wife from having to do it.

GAMBLERS. For a new gambling opportunity, try sending £50 to yourself
by Royal Mail.

BANGING two pistachio nutshells together gives the impression that a
very small horse is approaching.

BLIND PEOPLE Give yourself at least a chance of seeing something by
not wearing heavy dark glasses all the time.

ALCOHOL makes an ideal substitute for happiness.

DRIVERS. If a car breaks down or stalls in front of you, beep your
horn and wave your arms frantically. This should help the car start
and send them on their way.

PREVENT burglars stealing everything in the house by simply moving
everything in the house into your bedroom when you go to bed. In the
morning, simply move it all back again.

CAR thieves Don't be discouraged when nothing is on view. All the
valuables may be hidden in the glove box or under a seat.

MOTORISTS Avoid getting prosecuted for using your phone whilst
driving. Simply pop your mobile inside a large shell and the police
will think you are listening to the sea.

JEREMY Beadle When selling DVDs on your TV advert, hold the disks in
your bigger hand so that they do not appear to be the size of laser
disks.

SHOES last twice as long if only worn every other day.

SINGLE men Convince people that you have a girlfriend by standing
outside Etam with several bags of shopping, looking at your watch and
occasionally glancing inside.

BOIL an egg to perfection without costly egg timers by popping the egg
into boiling water and driving away from your home at exactly 60 mph.
After 3 miles, phone your wife and tell her to take the egg out the
pan.

ALCOHOLICS don't worry where the next drink is coming from. Go to the
pub, where a large selection is available at retail prices.

McDONALD'S Make your brown carrier bags green in colour so they blend
in with the countryside after they've been thrown out of car windows. .


You deserve a friggin medal for that post.

FUNNY AS f***! Well done!
 
You deserve a friggin medal for that post.

FUNNY AS f***! Well done!

you see you such my bitch now!

no medal... but can i have a big wet kiss and big squeeze on my butt cheek from you big boy.
 

virtually dead

Simply Thrilled, Honey
did you know that you can get nodding Morrisseys?

i laughed for 20 minutes, then i stopped, now i'm going agian.

it even has a wee bunch of gladioli, bless! :D :D
 

virtually dead

Simply Thrilled, Honey
( i have my fist in my mouth at this point)

LOOK!!!!!!!
 

Sir Alec

Anorak
AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAHBAHAHAHAAAAAANENBSHBGSHEBSHEBSE *foam comes out of mouth*

I just laughed so hard at that bobble head!
 

virtually dead

Simply Thrilled, Honey
AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAHBAHAHAHAAAAAANENBSHBGSHEBSHEBSE *foam comes out of mouth*

I just laughed so hard at that bobble head!

How long do you think before the novelty wears off?? :)
 
How long do you think before the novelty wears off?? :)

well, i didn't even start laughing at the bobbing head, so it wore off pretty quickly for me!
 
Last edited:

helmoz

on the moors
hahaha i love viz top tips :D
X-FILES FANS: create the illusion of being abducted by aliens by drinking two bottles of vodka. you will wake up in a strange place with your memory mysteriously "erased."

and i want a nodding morrissey! where do you get them from?
 
hahaha i love viz top tips :D
X-FILES FANS: create the illusion of being abducted by aliens by drinking two bottles of vodka. you will wake up in a strange place with your memory mysteriously "erased."

and i want a nodding morrissey! where do you get them from?

you may joke about alien abductions but that what happen to me... walking home, then a bright light, floating, lying down, bright lights, then nothing! awoke in the morning with no memory, but flash backs of these figures clad in black rubber (most be space suits) and a anal probe which looks very much like the nodding morrissey; may be that's why i don't like it, i associate nodding morrissey figures with not being able to sit down for a couple of days and a banging headache!
 

Godlovesugly

Vintage Member
DON'T waste money on expensive iPods. Simply think of your favourite
tune and hum it. If you want to "switch tracks", simply think of
another song you like and hum that instead.

CINEMA goers. Please have consideration for pirate DVD viewers by
having a p*ss before the film starts.

RAPPERS. Avoid having to say 'know what I'm sayin' all the time by
actually speaking clearly in the first place.

DON'T waste money on expensive paper shredders to avoid having your
identity stolen. Simply place a few dog turds in the bin bags along
with your old bank statements.

RED WINE DRINKERS Worried that your teeth will be stained after a
heavy night of drinking red wine? Simply drink a bottle of white wine
before going to bed to remove the stains.

SOLDIERS Invest in a digital camera to avoid all that court martial
tomfoolery after a trip to Trueprint.

MURDERERS Need to dispose of a body? Simply parcel it up and post it
to yourself via DHL. You will never see it again.

BURGLARS. When fleeing from the police, run with your right arm
sticking Out at 90 degrees, wrapped in a baby mattress in case they
set one of their dogs on you.

EMPLOYERS Avoid hiring unlucky people by immediately tossing half the
CVs into the bin.

MEN When listening to your favourite CD, simply turn up the sound to
the volume you desire; then turn it down three notches. This will save
your wife from having to do it.

GAMBLERS. For a new gambling opportunity, try sending £50 to yourself
by Royal Mail.

BANGING two pistachio nutshells together gives the impression that a
very small horse is approaching.

BLIND PEOPLE Give yourself at least a chance of seeing something by
not wearing heavy dark glasses all the time.

ALCOHOL makes an ideal substitute for happiness.

DRIVERS. If a car breaks down or stalls in front of you, beep your
horn and wave your arms frantically. This should help the car start
and send them on their way.

PREVENT burglars stealing everything in the house by simply moving
everything in the house into your bedroom when you go to bed. In the
morning, simply move it all back again.

CAR thieves Don't be discouraged when nothing is on view. All the
valuables may be hidden in the glove box or under a seat.

MOTORISTS Avoid getting prosecuted for using your phone whilst
driving. Simply pop your mobile inside a large shell and the police
will think you are listening to the sea.

JEREMY Beadle When selling DVDs on your TV advert, hold the disks in
your bigger hand so that they do not appear to be the size of laser
disks.

SHOES last twice as long if only worn every other day.

SINGLE men Convince people that you have a girlfriend by standing
outside Etam with several bags of shopping, looking at your watch and
occasionally glancing inside.

BOIL an egg to perfection without costly egg timers by popping the egg
into boiling water and driving away from your home at exactly 60 mph.
After 3 miles, phone your wife and tell her to take the egg out the
pan.

ALCOHOLICS don't worry where the next drink is coming from. Go to the
pub, where a large selection is available at retail prices.

McDONALD'S Make your brown carrier bags green in colour so they blend
in with the countryside after they've been thrown out of car windows. .


Good ol' Viz magazine :D
 

chica

v2.0
you may joke about alien abductions but that what happen to me... walking home, then a bright light, floating, lying down, bright lights, then nothing! awoke in the morning with no memory, but flash backs of these figures clad in black rubber (most be space suits) and a anal probe which looks very much like the nodding morrissey; may be that's why i don't like it, i associate nodding morrissey figures with not being able to sit down for a couple of days and a banging headache!
The more you explore me!, I was hoping what happened that night would stay between you and me.
Making up alien abductions is not going to change the fact that you broke the deal.
 

Disappointed

With Everything
you may joke about alien abductions but that what happen to me... walking home, then a bright light, floating, lying down, bright lights, then nothing! awoke in the morning with no memory, but flash backs of these figures clad in black rubber (most be space suits) and a anal probe which looks very much like the nodding morrissey; may be that's why i don't like it, i associate nodding morrissey figures with not being able to sit down for a couple of days and a banging headache!
And don't forget that you also started singing "I like to sing-a, about the moon-a and the June-a and the spring-a, I like to sing-a!" at random moments.
 
do you two ( chica & disppointed ) known what you've done! i had a book deal and a movie planned because of my alien aduction... the rights were sold to spielberg for millions, we had tom cruise ready to start filming, he thought this would be his time for an oscar!
ruined by me and my big mouth strikes again (well this is a morrissey forum).
i'm ruined, i tell you ruined....

and i think the head from the bobbing statue got stuck!
 

Lor

I have M.A.D.
Me Want Bobbing Morrissey Head! Me Want!
 

chica

v2.0
I had no idea that vanilla was a type of orchid! And I have no idea why I had to learn that from the card I found in a pack of cheese... :rolleyes:

But further research revealed new facts! Look at the etymology :eek:

Vanilla is a genus of about 110 species in the orchid family (Orchidaceae), including the species Vanilla planifolia from which commercial vanilla flavoring is derived. The name came from the Spanish word "vainilla", diminutive form of "vaina" (meaning "sheath"), which is in turn derived from Latin "vagina".


http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Vanilla_(orchid)
 

The Cat's Mother

Unmentionable
I once wrote vanilla orchid porn! But that paper-folding thing reminded me of this list I got from one of those daft blogging memes on my Livejournal Morrissey community:

Ten Top Trivia Tips about Morrissey!

1. Morrissey is actually a fruit, not a vegetable.
2. About one tenth of Morrissey is permanently covered in ice.
3. It is impossible to fold Morrissey more than seven times.
4. Some birds use Morrissey to orientate themselves during migration.
5. Morrissey can remain conscious for fifteen to twenty seconds after being decapitated.
6. Never store Morrissey at room temperature!
7. If you drop Morrissey from the top of the Empire State Building, he will be falling fast enough to kill before reaching the ground.
8. 99 percent of the pumpkins sold in the US end up as Morrissey!
9. There are more than two hundred different kinds of Morrissey!
10. If you lie on your back with your legs stretched it is impossible to sink in Morrissey!
 

deliria

Woke up too early
A group of frogs is called an army.
 
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