Blog entries by Tibby

I have a deep sense of sadness inside of me.It never leaves me and never goes away.I`ve been this way a very long time.It`s so deep inside of me that it hurts my body.My stomach aches and burns and my head hurts.I get so desperate sometimes.....I don`t really want to die but I just want this...
I woke up in the middle of the night and couldn`t get back to sleep.So here I am at 2:40 in the morning.I`m tired but my thoughts won`t let me rest. I had a nice day today.My sister and my nephew and cousin came over and we had a nice time visiting.I also kept myself busy today by doing a few...
I hate feeling empty and numb.The meds don`t seem to be doing much.It`s not that I`d think that they will ever instantly cure me.At least they seem to help the anxiety a little.I know I just said that I hate feeling empty and numb but feeling numb is sometimes good.It`s better than the...
Another year has begun and here we still are.The meds have been upped and here we are.Maybe I should give the higher dose a chance to kick in.I feel like deep,deep down in my heart I have given up.I`ve given up the chance to have a somewhat normal life.I will never have the kids the...
Tibby
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To anybody reading this (if anybody reads this?)I hope you had a very merry Christmas and I hope you have a really fantastic new year!!! I spent Christmas with my family and it was very nice.The day went very well and I got through it okay.I got some really cool Star Wars stuff (yeah I admit...
I`m feeling very tired right now.I`m feeling like time is passing me by and I have nothing to show for it.And of course it`s all my fault.I was going to college when I first became ill.I never finished as a result of this.Therefore I`ve done absolutely nothing with my life.I`m just a loser...
And empty and lonely. My day started out nice.We went to see my little niece get an award at her school then we went to breakfast.I don`t know what the hell it is with me but my depression tends to get worse as the day goes on.I feel worse at night.I just lay in...
I`ve really been missing you my old friend.I`ve been missing the relief you used to bring me.I remember the peace.....peace maybe that`s not the right word.I remember you used to make me feel better... well at least for a little while.You used to help me let out everything I can`t say out...
and this emptiness fills my heart~Peter Gabriel That`s how a great deal of my days feel.They feel empty and meaningless.I feel I have nothing to show for this life.I just feel so tired most of the time.I`m reaching a point of not wanting to try anymore.It`s just too difficult,it hurts.It...
I feel like I am not living but just existing. I feel so lonely sometimes.This illness has made me a worthless,nothing.I feel as if I lived my life just staring out the window watching the world go by.I`ve watched people living out their lives while I hid inside. I`ve always lived inside...
I hate the ugly scars on my arm.It`s my fault that they are there though.I made them.I made them by carving into my arm with razors and broken glass or just anything sharp that I thought would do the job.I also burned my arm with matches or lighters.I would do anything to make those feelings go...
I usually never write here at this hour but I had a dream and it just had made me feel like it. I have never been the type of girl who dreamed of big,white wedding dresses and big,fancy weddings.That just wasn`t me. But I didn`t dream of being alone either. I have my family but I can`t help...
I have days that are good and days that are bad.I have days when I can`t stand the thoughts going around and around inside my head.It`s hard to be tormented by your own brain.I get so exhausted sometimes.I want some peace of mind.I`m tired of feeling tired all the time.I would like to find my...
It`s dark now.Time for the loneliness to come to and settle in for the rest of the evening.I always feel so lonely at night.I used to stay up all night and not want to go to bed.That also used to be the time of day when I would mainly hurt myself.It was when I was up late at night and everyone...
I`m sitting here staring into the screen. I feel an absolute emptiness that makes my heart ache.I`m feeling numb and empty and afraid all at the same time.I`m so tired of being tormented by my own mind.When I am able to I try to do things to keep myself busy and sometimes that does help.Then...
I'm up late tonight and I don`t feel like going to bed either.I don`t know if that`s good or bad.I am just listening to music right now.Music has always given me pleasure except when I am in my worst states. That has always been one of the worst things I felt in my depressions.That is the...
Sometimes I think I can`t take this one minute more.Sometimes it`s just okay.I try to hold it together on the outside,I try to let everyone think I`m okay.I think they can tell I`m not.I feel like it gets harder and harder to keep everything inside.It feels awful to feel this way inside.My...
After many,many months of abstaining I failed at something once again.I turned to the razor again.I guess I took the easy way out.Instead of trying to deal with pain inside I hurt myself on the outside.The feelings I feel inside are more painful than the wounds I inflict on myself on the...
I guess I`ve been having a tough time of it lately.Earlier this week I had to go the emergency room again.I was having an allergic reaction to one of my meds.So now I have to go off of this medication.That one had replaced the lithium which I had to go off because of it`s unwanted side effects...
I`m very,very down at the moment.Last week I became physically ill and had to go to the emergency room.In the end I was admitted to the hospital and spent a couple of days there.I`m physically ok now.I was so scared while I was there though.I just became so overwhelmed and upset that I just...
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