Blog entries by Tibby
I keep trying.I feel like I`ve tried everything.This pill and that pill.Psychs and therapists.Everything short of ECT.One of my psychs once recommended it because he said "we`ve tried everything".See I told you I`ve tried everything.I didn`t take that recommendation though because ECT can really...
I can`t sleep again.I am physically and mentally exhausted,I am so frustrated with myself.I feel this horrible anxiety sitting on my chest.All I want to do is sleep like a normal person.I am so tired of this.I don`t know how much more of this I can take.I want to scream. I want to release this...
I have my ok days and bad days.I have my ups and downs. I mostly try to keep it together.Though there are some days when it becomes more difficult than others.On those days I usually turn to unhealthy coping mechanisms that I am not proud of. They have left me scarred and marked for life.I`m so...
I was sitting here with my head in my hands thinking about how to start this entry.When I`m in one of these states sometimes my brain refuses to work.
I feel so useless and worthless.My body,my heart,my soul ache.My body actually hurts.I could barely get out of bed today.I finally got up just...
I`m listening to this as I sit here and type.This is so damn good.Smiler with knife has to be my favorite so far.So,so beautiful. I have to say I am loving every minute of it.It made me forget about my cymbalta withdrawal. :D I`m just so happy to be hearing this God I love is Morrissey !I know...
These med changes are driving me up the wall.I can`t sleep I can`t do anything.It really sucks to come off Cymbalta.The new psych is taking me off the anti depressants. He`s taking me off them because he says they basically do nothing for bipolar disorder.The new med he put me on is latuda. I...
I am falling into the depression side of this illness. It never goes completely away though.I don`t want to leave my bedroom.I have no motavation,my bones ache and I don`t have any energy.
They`ve sent me to a new doc.I`m on my third psych now.They`ve changed my meds again.I`m tired of all...
I was at the Morrissey show in L.A. I have to say it was an awesome show.It wouldn`t have been possible without my wonderful family.My sister and brother in law took me to Los Angeles to see the concert.My mom took care of their children so they could take me.Right now I completely filled with...
I have not been doing too well.I am having trouble sleeping again.For a little while I was sleeping almost every day.Some nights I just can`t get my brain to turn off and this is after 45 mgs of mirtazipine and 1mg of lorazepam. I miss the f**cking seroquel that one really makes you sleep. I...
That`s what I feel like life is like for me at the moment.My psych diagnosed me as bipolar I. I`m stuck in this really,really hard depresssion right now.I don`t have any energy.I feel lifeless and numb.Then everything hurts so much.I want to cry.Cry all the time.I want to stay in bed and not get...
I feel like I`m sinking.My depression is taking over.I can barely get out of bed.And the thing is I don`t really want to.I`m down in the deep dark pit.The meds aren`t helping.My former psych once suggested ect ...maybe I should have taken him up on it.The thing that scared me about it was memory...
How long do you have to keep trying? I`m really exhausted.I hurt myself tonight because I couldn`t stand how lonely I feel how sad I feel.I TRIED not to.But I could feel the anxiety building up.I would have taken an ativan but I can`t sleep tonight.I wish I could disappear into my sleep...
I`ve been fighting you all night.You`ve been screaming inside my head.You`re relentless.You won`t leave me alone.You need me you shout at me.I`m the only one that makes you feel better.I`m the only one that gives you relief.I`m the only one that helps you. I want you to shut up and leave me...
I can`t sleep again.Surprise,surprise.I lay there in the dark and close my eyes but there they are .....the thoughts that twist and turn inside my head.They won`t let me rest or relax.
I feel so bad these days that I miss my manic times.At least I got alot of s**t done. Right now everything...
I feel like a ghost haunting this house.I can`t feel anything and no one can see me.It`s just a deep sense of nothingness and life does not feel worth living at the moment. I keep wondering why I do live. A while ago my mom told me when she found out when I was hurting myself she was so...
~Fingernails
~Broken Glass
~Exacto-Knives
~Knives
~Scissors
~Razor Blades
~Lighters
~Matches
~The Iron
All things that I have hurt myself with.Today has been a difficult day.It`s all inside of me.I need to let it out.I`m waiting,I`m waiting.I can`t wait until it`s quiet and everyone...
Sometimes I feel like I can`t stand living in this broken down,scarred body anymore.That`s how I feel broken down. When things seem to overwhelming or I feel like I want to jump out of my skin I try to make myself as numb as possible.I don`t want to feel anything.I don`t want to hurt anymore.I...
Sometimes I feel so numb.I feel as though I am walking through this life as if I was ghost.It feels safer that way at times.I can`t be hurt and nothing can touch me.I guess it works for me that way.It`s not,not good.I have to wake up sometimes and feel alive.My self harm not only makes to hurt...
Another New Year`s Eve is here.What has changed? Different meds and feeling so tired of fighting this.Today is supposed to be about parties and kissing someone at midnight.I suppose it must be like that for someone,somewhere.It`s just another night for me.I guess it makes me feel even more...
I usually wait until everyone is asleep.It`s late at night when I most likely will not be caught or disturbed. I have a little plastic box where I keep my tools and supplies.Sometimes it`s really difficult to hold on all day ...to wait.I want relief ...it hurts so bad.But I wait.It`s not good or...
