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Headful Of Heroes - NME (1989)

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Headful Of Heroes - NME (September 16, 1989) scan via the media archive

NME: Headful Of Heroes scan


Thespians Of The World

Nooks And Crannies

Old Masters

Back Row

Cathode Raves

venom and spite

Handsome Devils

Election Promises

  1. Harriet Harman editor of The Sun
  2. Ecover products on all restaurant menus
  3. Lead-free pencils
  4. Bernard Matthews plucked and stuffed
  5. Suzie Birchal returns to Coronation Street
  6. Jacqueline Du Pre dug up
  7. All policemen finally allowed to wear their own skirts whilst on duty
  8. Colin Moynihan put in a small box underneath the stairs
  9. Gallup investigation in to the alleged sales of Tanita Tikaram's 'Ancient Heart' LP
  10. Violet Carson cover of Rolling Stone magazine
  11. Clause 28 remains intact but with the word "homosexual" deleted and replaced by the name "Cecil Parkinson"
  12. McDonald's bombed and Robert Smith popped (both actions require a similar voltage of explosives)
  13. Compulsory cocoa at The Hacienda
  14. Thatchers' teeth extracted due to overwhelming demand in Thailand for fancy British trinkets (See: Margaret Thatcher)
  15. Total ban on any possibility of a fourth Terence Stamp autobiography
  16. Anyone found entering a zoo or circus will be obliged to balance a balloon their head for the rest of their life

Daydreams

  • Off to Llandudno with Mary Margaret O'Hara
  • Jerry Hall eaten by her own fur coat
  • James Maker stars in Taggart (all regions): Who was driving the Austin A40 which killed a senior citizen and never stopped?
  • Vini Reilly - Blackburn Rovers centre forward
  • When Cher and Pete Burns exchange passports, air port officials are none the wiser
  • Thatcher asks the Queen: "So, how much ivory in Buckingham Palace?" The Queen snaps, "well how much mahogany at number ten?" and both chime "a helluva lot"

Bigmouths - The Singer Not The Song

Odd Fellows

Bedside Material

Singles To Be Cremated With

  1. 'The World's Loneliest Man'- Vince Eager (Top Rank)
  2. 'Don't Take The Lovers From The World' - Shirley Bassey (UA)
  3. 'What A Nice Way To Turn 17' - The Crystals (Philles)
  4. 'There, I've Said lt Again' - Sam Cooke (Keen)
  5. 'Loneliness Remembers What Happiness Forgets' - Dionne Warwick (Wand)
  6. 'Strange, I Know' - The Marvelettes (Motown)
  7. "Third Finger, Left Hand'- Martha Reeves And The Vandellas (Motown)
  8. 'I Take It Back' - Sandy Posey (MGM)
  9. 'Heart' - Rita Pavone (RCA)
  10. 'Shoes' - Reparata (Polydor)
  11. 'Terry' - Twinkle (Decca)
  12. 'Attack' - The Toys (Stateside)
  13. 'I've Been A Bad, Bad, Boy'- Paul Jones (HMV)
  14. 'Insult To Injury' - Timi Yuro (Liberty)

Moanchester, So Much To Answer For

  1. The Smiths
  2. Herman's Hermits
  3. The Buzzcocks
  4. James
  5. Ludus
  6. Magazine
  7. Inspiral Carpets
  8. The Fall
  9. 808 State
  10. The Exuberants

SUB: Duncan Edwards

Absolutely Vile

Hopes

  • That the Japanese cease to harpoon dolphins and turn their attention for the same purpose to the cast of Neighbours
  • That the Harlots Of 42nd Street reform
  • That somebody spells Vini Really's name correctly