The Importance Of Being Morrissey - Channel 4 (June 8, 2003)

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Originally aired in the UK on Channel 4 (June 8, 2003).

Director: Tina Flintoff, Ricky Kelehar
Narrator: Christopher Eccleston

Synopsis from the IMDB entry:

Featuring interviews by famous fans and followers, this rare documentary encapsulates the essence of the controversial, enigmatic, and deliciously melancholic bard. This is Morrissey, the charming man with the thorn in his side.


Referring to the gifted Irish poet Oscar Wilde's farcical 1895 play, The Importance of Being Earnest: A Trivial Comedy for Serious People, The Importance of Being Morrissey attempts to encapsulate the essence of the emblematic former The Smiths' singer, Morrissey. Featuring interviews by famous Morrissey fans such as U2's Bono; Harry Potter's J. K. Rowling; Oasis' Noel Gallagher; The Pretenders' Chrissie Hynde, and Morrissey's next-door-neighbour, Nancy Sinatra, indeed, this documentary is a rare treat for his dedicated followers. Controversial, enigmatic, photogenic, and above all, a musical genius, the deliciously melancholic bard never fails to fill stadiums--including the pulsating with energy and excitement, Royal Albert Hall, where Morrissey sings "Suedehead", "The First of the Gang to Die", "Cosmic Dancer" with David Bowie, and the haunting anthem of an entire generation, "There is a Light that Never Goes Out". This is Morrissey, the charming man with the thorn in his side. — Nick Riganas


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Adapted from "The Importance of Being Morrissey" full transciption (by a Yank) by alainsane - Morrissey-solo (June 15, 2003)

The Players:
Morrissey: Singer, songwriter, eccentric
J. K. Rowling: Author of the Harry Potter series.
Michael Bracewell: Writer
Alan Bennett: Morrissey's neighbor.
Will Self: Writer
Bono: Lead singer of U2
James O'Brien: Friend and I think director of some of the music videos.
Chrissie Hynde: Lead singer of The Pretenders
Kathy Burke: Friend?
Linder Sterling: Best Friend
Noel Gallagher: Member of rock band, Oasis.
Sam: Morrissey's nephew.
Alex: Morrissey's cousin.
Miranda Sawyer: Journalist
Harry Hill: Comedian, Television Personality
Alain Whyte: Lead guitarist and co-song-writer.
Nancy Sinatra: Morrissey's sometimes friend and neighbor.
Russell Mael: Member of Sparks.
Ron Mael: Member of Sparks.
Jose Maldonado: Fan and lead singer of The Sweet and Tender Hooligans
Various Fans

Transcriber notes: I don't claim that this a 100% accurate transcription. There were several parts of J.K. Rowling's and Kathy Burke's that I couldn't decipher to save my life. I put in double question marks where I had definite problems making out what was said. Not all cuts are noted...just ones I thought would aid in contextual comprehension. Cheers!


*Hands fluttering, fans chanting, "Morrissey, Morrissey, Morrissey*

*Music November Spawned a Monster*

Narrator: Worshipped by devoted fans for 20 years and hailed by his peers as a genius, he's the outspoken outsider of British pop. Living in self-imposed exile *without* a record deal. Morrissey remains what he has always been: a true original...and a complete mystery.

Rowling: Oscar Wilde said ??he was always wasting his life?? Morrissey, it seems to me...and I can completely identify with Morrissey has sat in a darkened room and ??'d on paper.

Bracewell: He is one of the *only* people in pop who has managed to turn themselves into a virtual mythological archetype.

Bennett: He's got an interesting face. He looks to have a story to tell.

Self: His eccentricity lies in his mercurial nature; in his ambiguity about his sexuality; in the strength and intellectual force of his writing.

Burke: He's so catered for those sort of lonely misfits who spend a lot of time in their bedrooms

Bono: There are certain feelings and ideas that he has; that he owns. He's an original of the species. There's not many of them.

cuts to backstage footage: Morrissey draped in a towel head-dress

Narrator: He is certainly one of rock's great enigmas.

O'Brien: I don't think Morrissey is normal. I think he's spent his entire adult life trying to be anything but normal.

Hynde: I can't even imagine him going in a trendy bar. I can't even imagine him walking through NottingHill gate.

Narrator: Rumours about Morrissey abound...but no one knows the truth

Off-camera Interviewer: "What do you think he's really like?"

Gallagher: Nobody knows. You don't know; I don't know. I'd say his mother knows. He probably doesn't even know.

cuts to Morrissey riding a Vespa

Narrator: With his first major TV interview in 16 years, and unprecedented access to his life on tour and home in Los Angeles, it's time to put the record straight with an exclusive insight into what it's like being Morrissey.

Sam: At the end of the day, he lives in L.A. He travels in a Jag; he goes to the beach; I don't think he's living in a dark room dressed in black.

Alex: Very true.

Morrissey: Age gives you a great sense of proportion and you can be very hard on yourself when you're younger and..but now I just think, well everyone's just absolutely mad...and I do quite well.

Narrator: Summer, 2002....Morrissey's on a world tour, attracting a new generation of fans.

Fan in Dublin: Morrissey is a legend. He's an absolute legend. The best performer I've ever seen, and that's above Bono, that's above Liam Gallagher, that's above Mick Jagger, everybody!

Fan in Greece: Morrissey represents everything for us. He's our god here in Athens.

Fan in Sydney: He gets better and better. The new material is amazing. And he's still an enigma. there's still something there that keeps us all interested and keeps us here.

Narrator: Now 43 years old, one of the most iconic men in rock music has returned home for two rare London concerts. Despite no publicity, all 10,000 tickets are sold out within a few hours.

Morrissey: This is the Churchill suite. The things you end up doing for television. It isn't normal, is it? I mean, how many people did he send to their deaths?...just to make up the numbers

Gallagher: When Morrissey comes in, you fuckin know about it...y'know, not because he does a press conference at the airport..y'know not because he's going down to the ?Met? bar. You know about it because you know about it..y'know? It's as simple as that.

Narrator: First night at the Royal Albert Hall, and expectations are high.

Morrissey: So here we are backstage...and as you can see...tension's mounting

Linder: Even before he's onstage, there's this amazing sorta' hear this football chant "Morrissey, Morrissey" the football chants start.

Morrissey: I smell ?assasination?

Stagehand: Bells is the cue for Morrissey and the guys to walk out on.

cuts to Bells sounding and Morrissey and the guys doing a huddle/break type handshake

Bracewell: He can come over here and do a brief tour and it's kinda' like he flexes a muscle...y'know he has the crowd going absolutely bonkers....Business as usual in Morrisseyland.

Whyte: People treat it almost like a religious experience. It's crazy.

Fan in London: When Morrissey reaches out his arm to touch you, you no longer feel lonely, you feel celebrated in the love of the one who comes over...which is Morrissey.

Narrator: From the very start of his solo career, his concerts have been unique in their scenes frenzied desperation as fans seek to pay homage in the flesh.

Self: Flinging themselves onto the stage. To catch the king's touch...y'know the king could cure in some way this ??scruffular?? of loneliness.

Sawyer: If you notice, it's really all blokes. It's not women; it's men. Men are in love with him...not women.

Morrissey: You've got these fully formed adults...and mostly's doesn't fit into any kind of stereotyped heterosexual fantasy.

Self: Young heterosexual male and now *older* heterosexual men respond to that at a homoerotic level. I think it speaks to the homosexual components in a lot of heterosexual men.

Liam Gallagher: The Moz has a good bike.

Hill: There aren't that many left, are there?...who have iconic status...who can handle a crowd...manhandle a crowd...and leave you just wanting a little bit more.

Morrissey responding to a question: Very happy, yes. Very, very happy. Yes. Should I be? Well I am. Thank you.

Narrator: The roots of the Morrissey phenomenon lie in the suburbs of Manchester where this previously unseen home movie film was shot in the 1960's. It's the only existing footage of his Irish Catholic family...with the young Morrissey.

Morrissey: I was named after an American actor called Steve Cochran whom you've never heard of.

cuts to some Steve Cochran footage

Morrissey: I never liked the name, Steven, so...I dropped it as soon as I could.

Bennett: You automatically call someone by his first name, but if they only have one name I'd almost pretend not to call them anything at all. I found I couldn't say, "Morrissey" such that I wouldn't say his name.

Morrissey: My parents were worried about me certainly when I became interested *deeply* interested in music and people like the New York Dolls who at the time were very peculiar indeed. They dressed the way they wanted to dress which was slightly transgender, one could say. and I was hooked for life

Russell Mael: Morrissey was lurking around in the breakfast rooms morning after our shows and grabbing little bits of the bread rolls that we hadn't finished...and he would take them home and enshrine them in some sort of way.

Linder: I first met Morrissey in 1976 I think our experience was this umm..absolutely no constance in ourselves. Morrissey was totally unemployable so was often just walking and walking and walking and we'd look in through people's windows and one of Morrissey's questions more than mine was..."But are they really happy?"

Bracewell:He once said that the Smiths only happened because he walked in the rain once too often

Morrissey: The Smiths was an incredibly personal thing to me. It was like launching your own diary to music.

Bono: They've got this daffodil throwing thing and these big ideas in his head and um..and his lyrics are going to change the way we see the world

Narrator: A recent poll vote The Smiths the most influential British band of all time. Morrissey's songwriting partner was guitarist, Johnny Marr.

Morrissey: It was a magical chemistry. I always heard great sadness in his these rolling chords and...great beauty

Rowling: You couldn't really imagine them in the same classroom being friends. You really imagine Marr as the guy that everyone wanted to be...and Morrissey being the slightly odd boy in the corner who some people really got but most people just left well alone.

Narrator: But what really set Morrissey apart was that he *chose* to be alone. The first openly celibate rock star.

Burke: It all added to the mystery..y'know I mean how great is that..somebody who's like, 'I refuse to fuck..y'know wha I mean, that's just like my're so cool...y'know I could never refuse to fuck..really...but, I have..y'know.

Morrissey: I think that was the problem with the "C" word ..the celibate word becuase they don't consider for a moment that you'd rather not be...but you just are. I was never a sexual person. Never.

Rowling: He was asked, "Are you a virgin?" and he says, "Yes, and quite.. a very Morrissey thing to say.

Morrissey: The unusual thing was...I said it and I admitted it. and it happens to millions of people and they wouldn't dare say it or admit it because they feel like a complete idiot. I don't sob about it. But it wasn't easy. And it's *over* now.

O'Brien: I think Morrissey would still say that celibacy is a great idea for nuns and priests but I'm not sure if he would emm say that it was a good idea for him anymore.

Narrator: In the peak of their powers, The Smiths split up when Johnny Marr quit.

Morrissey: One night, we had a conversation about it and he was saying, "I think it's about time" and "I've had enough" and I was saying, "Yah..I understand" but I didn't really mean it. I didn't think that he'd completely pull the plug

Rowling: I think The Smiths was the only group whose falling apart really affected me personally. Very sad.

Narrator: But the end would be drawn out and messy. In 1996, the Smiths drummer, Mike Joyce, sued Morrissey and Marr in the high court for an increased share of the band's earnings. The judge found in Joyce's favour.

Morrissey: It was a terrible miscarriage of umm...It's been really shocking..and umm...I wish the very very worst for Joyce for the rest of his life

Morrissey: I absolutely despise airports and air travel. That really scares me to death. It's not that you could die. I hate the dictatorial way that you're told to pick this up; get your bag; no you can't; yes you can; stand here; join the queue; leave the queue. It seems that as soon as you enter an airport, you're absolutely nothing; you're just this great big blob of flesh.

Narrator: It's Morrissey's first visit to Australia in 11 years...and one fan is more pleased to see him than most. She won a competition to meet him back in 1992 and today, she finally gets her chance

Morrissey: Every night it's really a bit like starting and finishing a play. It's like stepping out and doing Hamlet...or Macbeth. There's a lot of mental preparation.

Woman off camera: "Am I going to see you get changed>

Morrissey: Only in your dreams.

Morrissey: You have to at least from a distance look as if you know what you're doing and I can manage that.

Sawyer: He has this sense of stage. He knows how to arrive. He doesn't just slink on

cuts to the boys carrying Moz onstage

Sawyer: He knows about the drama and opera of performance. He is abandoned in a way that one wouldn't imagine.

O'Brien: That fascinating to watch. he's a person who goes from being quite a reserved person to somebody who will strip down to the waist flagellating upon the stage.

Burke: It's always the quiet ones. Whatcha' go there? Well..he's a right dirty bastard.

Self: Here is somebody who is able to encapsulate a lot of very deep thought; gloss it with irony; and then repackage it with emotion.

Gallagher: Whatever you put down in a define your love or hate for anyone..he'll do it one better...cos he's the best lyricist I've ever read.

Morrissey: The media will generally always refer to me as being miserable and morose and the pope of mope and things like that

Bono: That's what I don't get...I don't get the miserable all...I find him very funny "Girlfriend In A Coma" when I heard it, I nearly crashed my car and ended up in a coma. He has that gift. That is not the mark of a miserable man. They're just miserable people that don't get the humor.

Rowling: I remember reading an interview with Morrissey in Smash Hits and I think he'd been asked, "What is your typical day?" Typical day was basically..."I stay at home and I listen to people walking up the stairs next door and I'll go out and buy a bit of plum jam...mebee ring the mum." And then right at the end of this typical day he said, "And then it's back to bed and back to the real world."

Narrator: But it wasn't all tongue-in-cheek. There was a genuinely dark side to Morrissey's reality.

Linder: During Moz' life, there were periods of very, very bad depression. Absolutely debilitation periods where life seemed to have absolutely no point.

Morrissey: I suffered greatly from depression. It was very serious when I was a teenager and when I was umm.. in the Smiths. Draw parallels if you will. So, I took prescribed drugs for a long time.

O'Brien: When he gets like very badly depressed, you'll get the call at 1 o'clock in the morning and or..the knock on the door and he'll have his bath robe on and you can always tell because he's got his glasses on...the contact lenses are out; the glasses are on...and you're in for heavy conversation.

Self: He is able to externalize internalized rage or anger about who he is about where he comes from and what happened to him

Narrator: And he focusses that rage on specific targets. Enemy number one: the meat industry.

Morrissey: Today on the news....there was a story that 27 million cooked chickens have been recalled..which is the biggest recall in U.S. history....because they're uh..lethal to humans. If they hadn't been could have killed 80 million Americans.

Narrator: The views of the most vocal vegetarian in pop music are typically uncompromising.

Morrissey: It's really on the same moral level as say...child abuse. it's the same thing...animals are like children. They look to us for protection. We should protect them. I really feel quite smug about mad cow disease and foot and mouth and so forth and I just think...well...what do you expect?? People have been saying it for years.

O'Brien: I don't think that in the year 2003 you can actually realize what an outrage by calling an album, "Meat Is Murder"

Hynde: The number of times that people've said that it was "Meat Is Murder" that converted them...I mean, it's astonishing that many people...and that's why that song is so important.

cuts to live performance of "MIM"

Rowling: I personally love a bit of bacon......and always did and even for Morrissey..I didn't give it up.

Morrissey: It's all just abuse, and it's all just human evil. Which is why I think the Royal Family is evil because they enjoy fox hunting. These are despicable people. And Charles of them all has no intelligence whatsoever.

Whyte: I'm surprised he's not been slapped by a few people in the past because of some of the things he's said. Because he has been really outrageous.

Off-camera interviewer: Do you follow football?

Morrissey: Nooo...I mean if they were kicking a politician around, I'd follow *that*..if it was Tony Blair instead of a round object, I'd be captivated.

Hynde: I think he's very true to himself. I don't think he censors himself and then if people don't understand him, then fuck 'em! I just don't think he would..could care less to be honest.

Morrissey: I've never intended to be controversial...but it's very easy to be pop music...because nobody ever is.

Whyte: I remember him saying to me like, "Oh..this won't like the title." I said, "What is it?" and he went, "It's called The National Front Disco." I was like, "Oh my god! You're gonna get us killed!"

Narrator: It caused the biggest uproar of his career. cuts to live NFD footage One newspaper compiled a dossier of Morrissey's comments over the years and accused him of racism. He never responded.

Gallagher: They kept on at that thing...they're like, "Well if he doesn't defend himself, then he must be.." Why..I mean why fuckin' should he? Y'know...why should he? We all know for a fact he's not. Because if he was...the fuckin News of the World would have uncovered it first. Forget the fuckin' NME.

Morrissey: Not everybody is absolutely stupid. Why on earth would I be racist? What would I be trying to achieve?

Narrator: In 1998, Morrissey set up home in Los Angeles...leaving England behind.

Morrissey: It seemed like I had a better chance of being struck by lightning than I had of being accepted by the British music industry.

Bracewell: Morrissey is one in a long line of great English artists like P.G. Wodehouse or Noel Coward who eventually leave because they're just not prepared to be pilloried for the very qualities that they're initially praised for.

cuts to Live in Dallas "Asian Rut" footage

Narrator: For the past five years, one of the most English of pop stars has lived in Los Angeles...just off Sunset Boulevard

cuts to Morrissey approaching his house in L.A.

Bracewell: There's something so entirely pathetic about the fact that the Morrissey who so many people might want to associate with y'know brooding terrace and the moaning factory whistle is sitting there in this very sort of exotic kinda' semi-tropical landscape

Morrissey: Please...squeeze your bodies in. So welcome to my lowly shack. This is where I live. This! Choreography.

Bracewell: I think the house is entirely right for him as well in terms of its history.

Morrissey: It was reportedly built by Clark Gable for his...woman at the time...whose name was Carol Lombarde..who as you know died tragically as soon as she was given the keys to the house apparently.

Bracewell: Morrissey is living..if you want...with his family.

Morrissey: It's been in the house of many people. F. Scott Fitzgerald.

Bracewell: His family of ghosts almost; his informants; his inspirations.

Morrissey: It was also the home of John Schlessinger's other half. He lived here for a long time.

Bracewell: These kind of...y'know...ambassador agents of glamour.

Narrator: Since Morrissey bought the house, he's added his own distinctive touches.

Morrissey: Inside the house I *do* feel very English. And I think you can tell that. I haven't remotely adapted.

Bracewell: You know that with Morrissey...if he chooses to have the young Bobby Moore's less for the picture of Bobby Moore than it is for the little row of set-ins? on the back of the horizon.

Morrissey: These are a few of my favorite things.

Narrator: Today, Morrissey is about to take tea with one of his Hollywood neighbors and a member of America's show business aristocracy: Nancy Sinatra.

Morrissey: American society considered her to be royalty. I don't see her as royalty. I mean I just see her as Nancy. ..really. I think in the history books, her father is one of the most famous people in human creation. He's more famous than most royalty.

Sinatra: This is beautiful. I had no idea that there are such beautiful homes up here.

Morrissey: There are..yes..very nice

Sinatra: Gorgeous

Morrissey:...Yes..very nice.

Sinatra: Gorgeous! And so are you!

Morrissey: Oh. I know, I know. Just kidding

Sinatra: I've missed you

Morrissey: Just kidding

Sinatra: Where the hell have you been??

Morrissey: know...I just slip and slide.

Sinatra: One time I was in London...Morrissey came to my hotel to see me. The thing that sticks with me most about the hug that he gave me. Because he's just a great hugger.

O'Brien: Generally...he is a good host...apart from...he doesn't cook anything apart from toast. so...uh...if you're happy with toast, you're fine.

Sinatra: They took me to the Queen's Tattoo.

Morrissey: The *Queen's* tattoo??

Sinatra: was for her celebration.

Morrissey: Any good?

Sinatra:..fifty years of something

Morrissey: Any good at all?

Sinatra: Fabulous...the castle.

Morrissey: I didn't know the queen *had* a tattoo.


cuts to Morrissey leaving house with Nancy and to Morrissey in his car with his poochie

Morrissey: This country is generally obsessed with signs. They love signs...all over the place. Telling you what to do...what not to do. It's not generally that people are frightened of violence...muggers..or whoever...people are frightened of authority...the police because they're the people who have complete control of you and they can do anything to you and there's nothing you can do about it. That's why people are's a police city.

Narrator: L.A. is home to one of Morrissey's most surprising and most fervent fan bases...the city's Hispanic community.

Russell Mael: It's kind of interesting that he's kinda now kinda cultivated this Latino following. It's real hardcore bunch of fans...lots of guys in their wife-beater undershirts and the Morrissey tattoos and stuff.

Mary Morales (Fan): Just about everyone I know who's Latino knows of Morrissey. It's like so against what our culture stands's amazing.

Maldonado: When you grow up Latino in Southern're in a minority..and uh...and sometimes you don't always feel like you belong. When you're listening to Morrissey..whose upbringing you can relate belong.

Morrissey: I really like Mexican people. I find them so terribly nice. And they have fantastic hair and fantastic skin and usually really good teeth...great combination

Narrator: The hysteria goes back to his first tour of the States when Morrissey broke box office records set by the likes of Madonna and Michael Jackson.

Linder: I think if people now see concert footage or musical footage they would be was absolute pandemonium.

Morrissey: That was such a fantastic pinnacle...and I wasn't being a whore about it. I wasn't pushing myself just seemed to happen...very naturally.

Narrator: New York's Madison Square Gardens was sold out in a morning: faster than the Beatles...prompting a guest appearance from another legend he would later tour with.

Morrissey: One night..he said...just before you're finishing your set..I appear at the back of the set and we sing one of my set and you just slowly fade away and your musicians fade away and mine come on, which effectively deprived people of y'know..saying good-bye to me, if you like. So, I thought that was very very cagey. So, I eventually left the tour and received enormous bad press for it and he never spoke to me again. You have to worship at the temple of David when you become involved. He *was* a fascinating artist...uhm...1970, 71, 72...but...not now.

O'Brien: If you spend any time with Morrissey, one of the things that you find yourself doing more than anything is sitting around pass the tea on dissecting and annihilating people's character. It's his favorite thing in the world to do...I think.

Morrissey: All I said was, "Bring me the head of Elton John."..which is one instance in which meat would not be murder...if it was on a plate.

Linder: I think of how nasty Morrissey can be in print about somebody..he's even nastier out of print.

Morrissey: Most people have nothing to say. Nothing to say. And most people give you the same conversation every single day.

cuts to interview

Interviewer: So..what's been happening....anything adventurous in the last...since I saw you last?

Morrissey: ummm...hmmm...Not really.

Interviewer: No sort of umm..Hollywood gatherings...nothing like that?

Morrissey: Nothing at all. No...just the usual life.

cuts away from interview

Morrissey: It's just the same old patter...and you're none the wiser for knowing somebody for five years . That's why I do this music business. Cos it's communication with people without having the *extreme* inconvenience of actually phoning anybody up. I never make phone calls...ever...never.

Off camera interviewer: Why not?

Morrissey: Well...because mostly because I don't want to speak to people..and faxes are quicker.

Off camera interviewer: So you don't answer the phone?

Morrissey: No..No..I never answer the phone. No..never, never, never.

O'Brien: For some reason, Morrissey always communicates by fax.


O'Brien: Five faxes a day to Morrissey would be normal for's almost like text messaging with him.

Ron Mael: They [faxes] are beautifully written pieces of sort of this three-year-old style of writing and it's kind of so consistent with what you would expect from him.

Russell Mael: It's really disappointing, though, that the latest letter we got from Morrissey was actually done on a computer.

Ron Mael: It was??

Russell Mael: It's all over.

Ron Mael: Must've broken his hand or something.

Narrator: Not for the first time, Morrissey manages to remain a mystery to his friends.

Bennett: They're going around one day and he was on the doorstep and umm..quite ridiculously on in the conversation, he asks me whether I knew anything about a comedian named Jimmy Clitheroe

Jimmy Clitheroe was a musical comedian in the 40's and 50's who played a schoolboy. Morrissey was just fascinated by this figure?. I gave him tea in my house and then he'd give me tea in his house. We never went anywhere..or..really talked about anything else except Jimmy Clitheroe

Bono: He was born in a different age than his character was preparing him for and when I'm glad God made that particular mistake.

Self: The idea of eccentricity was enormously important for understanding Morrissey. He has some affinities with figures like Francis Bacon. He's fully embraced his destiny as an eccentric. "I am what I am." he says. "But you're not allowed to know what I am." and that's a very eccentric position.

cuts to Morrissey riding in a car in London

Morrissey: It's funny how this area is completely changed recently...cos I used to live down yonder...and we went walking last night and everything is just completely unrecognizable.

Hynde: He could spend the next 30 years in L.A. but he's always gonna be too English for the Yanks and for most of the English.

Narrator: Morrissey is back in London visiting his favorite gentlemen's Mayfair.

Morrissey: Fascinating hunting pictures on the wall...There's always a fly in the ointment. I think they're going to give me a trim...and possibly just a slap around the face.... a facial.

cuts to hair cut: shakes hand with barber

Morrissey: nice to meet you.

Barber: whereabouts are you living?

Morrissey: Normally living in Los Angeles...if you can call it normal living.

Barber: Quite lively, is it?

Morrissey: Oh..umm..yes..but I'm not. I'm gonna' hafta' take over.

O'Brien: There's kind of like a maintenance routine with Morrissey.

Morrissey to barber: Watch the magic.

O'Brien: He's undoubtedly very vain...and spends an awful lot of time in front of the mirror with a hairdryer and a New York Dolls CD

Morrissey: Everybody has their own techniques....Shazam.

O'Brien: He probably finds himself the most attractive person he could possibly meet.

Morrissey: Why meddle with a masterpiece? That's all I can say.

Linder: Like him or loathe him, I think his face is really imprinted upon our consciousness because he's incredibly photogenic. I mean, I've taken photographs just of the back of Morrissey's neck and people have still known it's Morrissey.

Burke: I just think Morrissey's sexy, full stop, really. Whether he's on stage performing or just a photograph of him, I know...whoa

Linder: There's just this glorious moment where I think Morrissey was sunbathing very sort of very snoozy, very sleepy. Suddenly these like beautiful rays are falling. See..I think this was an awning overhead...and just nice to get this glorious sort of zeppelin-like apart stripes. I think Morrissey can play with notions of camp very very consciously, very very knowingly. He's very articulate, I think, in what is and what isn't camp.

Self: The homoerotic content of the imagery is absolutely manifest. To deny it would be extremely foolish.

Morrissey: I don't know what "homoerotic" is..i mean...I know what erotic is...I don't know what hetero..I've never heard anyone ever say hetero-erotic, so umm...I don't know what homoerotic means.

Narrator: He may be famous for being outspoken, but when it comes to himself, Morrissey if fiercely private.

Self: Well, I mean absolutely nothing does he give away about himself is my experience...not a jot. I think the only personal detail I managed to get out of Morrissey in public...a couple hours of conversation was the fact that he liked Coronation Street.

cuts to Morrissey entering strip club

Narrator: And he's never more ambiguous than on the subject of his sexuality.

Off-camera Interviewer: One thing you never talked about was your sexuality...

Morrissey: And I'm not going to!

Linder: Morrissey's sexuality was so picked over by the press in the early days.

Morrissey: I don't think it's anybody's business. I just don't. I can't see when it becomes anybody's business. And I can't see other people talking about sex and sexuality...really...and what turns them on and what turns them, I can't think of any reason why I should. It doesn't help *me*. People can think what they like.

Sawyer: It's almost like a more regal...not that anybody knows, really.

Self: I think he's interested in preserving the mystique that allows him that kind of ambiguity. And frankly, good luck to him. Why the hell shouldn't he do that?

Off-camera Interviewer: Why have you never put the record straight?

Morrissey: Well, I don't see any crooked record. People think they know; people think they understand. But, it doesn't bother me in the least...what people think. And there's nothing that people can think of me in a direction that would embarrass me. I don't really care what people think. I *really* don't. And I'm not hiding anything.

O'Brien: If he could sit in an interview and say I am X, Y, Z, he would love to do it. He would love to have the answer. He doesn't know. He's genuinely unsure about the whole world of intimacy and sexuality and relationships.

cuts to Live In Dallas footage of "Will Never Marry"

Self: For Morrissey, loneliness is a threat; a promise; and a validation of who he is.

Linder: It's a chosen aloneness. I think Morrissey is so very very much his own person...that it takes a person...someone who can live harmoniously with that certainty.

Morrissey: Some people can't stand reflection. And they can't stand to be faced with their own company. Course, that's never remotely bothered me.

Off-camera interviewer: Did you ever imagine being with someone?

Morrissey: Noooo. I couldn't really imagine. I couldn't even really imagine why it would take place....really. I just couldn't imagine being with somebody. I don't think human beings are meant to live together...I really don't. I don't think human beings "get on" any capacity.

Narrator: He now finds himself equally isolated in the music industry...despite plenty of new material...he's yet to agree on a new record deal.

cuts to "First of the Gang To Die" live footage

Gallagher: The music business has changed. It's like it's full of fuckin' wankers. A'ight...if they can't flog your ass, then they ain't giving you a record deal. If they can't sell you to little kids who don't know shit from clay, they will *not* fuckin' take a chance on you.

Rowling: I think it's absolutely obscene that he's without a record deal...I can't believe...I can't believe's disgusting.

Hynde: All he would have to do is meet one person at the record interview who he didn't like he would just...that'd be it. He wouldn't consider it.

Self: I find the fact that he hasn't got a record deal at the moment enormously sedantive?? It makes me want to give him a nice big cuddle cos he's managed to alienate so many people..and after all, it's an uncreative and uninteresting industry.

Morrissey: People see me as pushing against the grain. Seeing the ingredients of being the outsider's outsider...for want of a triter term, I fall into the rebel category....authentically so.

Bono: I think he likes a rout. And I think he likes to stir it up. I think he likes friction. That's why I like to see him on the radio next to Britney Spears and Limp Bizkit because there's a round ruin? just being there.

Rowling: He's worth a lot...and I'm quite sure he believes that as well...I have a very strong sense that he, he knows well.

Burke: You don't know this person, but feel like there's a bit of a soulmate...wandering around...he's actually given you great pleasure.

Gallagher: He's fuckin' revered man. His fuckin records will be listened to til, til...??George Bush goes to trial??, first of all.

Morrissey: I've left my fingerprints...somewhere...that's good enough. I'm my own person...and that's good enough. And I stand my ground...that's good enough.

cuts to closing song and credits

Morrissey: Please...don't talk about me when I'm gone.