The Drivel Thread

I had a dream that Lucifer Sam was riding a bicycle on the seawall and stopped to chat. As we were talking, someone stole my bicycle (I don’t really have one.). Sam then rode away. Later, Vanessa Marcil, as nicky wire’s legs, had turned a new leaf, and was being nice to me. She rearranged my apartment, which she had moved into to share with me, and because I didn’t buy her artwork, my electricity went out as I was judged to be phoney. I started stripping my clothes off to face my punishment for the judgement made. Then I woke up. Vanessa Marcil looks nothing like nicky wire’s legs, but they might have similar personalities.
 
What an imagination you’ve got! Pretty darned creative of you. The movie title grabs ya, and both actresses would be riveting. Can’t wait to see Drivel Thread! Hehehehe! When can I rent it from YouTube?

The odds of this movie ever being made are probably about the same as the odds of Morrissey visiting you. But if that somehow does happen, then hopefully you'll remember to give him my contact info so I can meet him in the bar of the Sunset Marquis and talk to him about producing my screenplays. And I'll also pitch him the idea of a movie based on this thread. And for the soundtrack, Death of Shazza could be the duet you want him to sing with Rosie of Bones UK. Rosie will do her hardcore sneer-chanting of the verse ("such a crazy, crazy life | such a lung-infected death" x4) and for the chorus Morrissey will shout "Shaz! Shaz!," pleading for you to come back from the dead, all while Carmen Vandenberg grinds away at a brutalist Audioslave-type riff.
 
I had a dream that Lucifer Sam was riding a bicycle on the seawall and stopped to chat. As we were talking, someone stole my bicycle (I don’t really have one.). Sam then rode away.

Here's something I file under paranormal. Last night I had a dream about a friend, and in the dream she was wearing a long blue dress, and when I saw her in church this morning, she was wearing a long blue dress. The only difference was that "IRL" she was also wearing a white shawl. Maybe I'd seen her in the same dress before, but I don't think so. Very strange.
 
Made some progress of Morrissey In Cut Throat Lane
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My right lung is causing the sensation of anxiety in my chest, and it’s been hurting a bit, and producing mucous. I’m remembering how pleasant it seemed for my dog when I had him euthanized in the late 2000’s. He looked at me like he was surprised to be suddenly feeling great, as the phenyl barbital entered his bloodstream. Then he seemed to lose consciousness. I wish that were an option for myself as an exit from this mold infected doom and gloom. I’m not ready to die yet, but I dread the progression of this disease, and wish it were something I could turn to when it becomes too much, such a seemingly pleasurable and tranquil way to die. It’s nearly 3PM, it’s chronically raining, and I haven’t bathed or brushed yet. I painted and wrote morning pages, read true crime, posted here on Solo, and am not feeling eager to clean myself up and go for a walk under an umbrella, to walk alone and come home alone, yank my clothes off to hang up to dry. I can’t be bothered right now. I looked into medical assistance in dying, or MAID, a while back, and the method of dying isn’t via phenyl barbital, but a concoction of substances that shut down your organs slowly and I imagine agonizingly. I don’t understand why it has to be dragged out when it could simply be a moment of bliss via phenyl barbital, and then slipping out of consciousness permanently. I don’t want to think about how I will probably die. Coffee’s ready. Back to reading true crime now I guess. Maybe I’ll make it out for a walk today but right now I don’t feel like it. Looks like this will be the 3rd day in a row I don’t have a brisk walk.
 
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I don’t know why I’ve been feeling pretty good physically for 2 or 3 hours. It surprises me. It’s too late to clean myself up to go for a walk though, and I don’t feel ready to go out and face people on the streets anyway. It’s a mystery to me why I’m getting a break from the lung discomfort. I’m still licking my wounds emotionally from it, but might paint again tonight at this rate. Forget cleaning though. I did take a plastic bag of moldy buns out to the trash. I’ve never seen bread get so moldy before. Scary. I didn’t put them in the compost, because then the mold spores would get airborne, when dumped out of the plastic bag. So they’re in the bag, in the trash. That’s the best I could do. I don’t want any more bread products in my apartment. Those buns showed mold growing on them the day after I got them. I’ve heard a lot of female vocalizations today, through the open window. Bubbly, positive, happy go lucky vocalizations. Some young women a few houses away are clearly having a good time. I like to hear this. I don’t want the oppressed silence that would be the alternative, if you know what I mean, though I’m glad I don’t live right next door to the raucous partyers. I guess they should tone it down some for the sake of their immediate neighbours. Now that I’m not in pain, I can think about such lighthearted subject matter. I’m not feeling tightness in my chest, the anxiety-like sensation pre-rattling cough. I don’t know how long I have to feel so unburdened this time. I see a mental health worker tomorrow. We’ll probably do some painting. Unless I’m in too much pain to get into the groove. I know those moldy buns in the sealed plastic bag will get squished in the garbage truck’s compactor, and the spores will escape the bag, but I’m hoping that they’ll be contained by the trash around them. I don’t see how I could have dealt with such a rapid growth of mold on buns in a better way. I’ve never seen anything like it. The buns’ tops were green with it. I could see it through the clear plastic bag. Those women down the street are frequently yelling light heartedly this evening. I don’t hear male voices along with them, though I think I have at times heard males’ voices from that house that weren’t as strident, months ago. I don’t feel 100% robust. There’s still a slightly sickly sensation in my chest, but right now it’s so slight that I’d be capable of having a lighthearted conversation with a neighbour or mental health worker if I were in contact with one this evening. Why waste time lightheartedly conversing though, when I can lightheartedly type my thoughts on the drivel thread and then go back to reading true crime?
 
The chest pain is back, with the rattling cough. It was nice getting a break from it, though I knew it probably wouldn’t last long. Painlessness is such bliss.
 
Here's something I file under paranormal. Last night I had a dream about a friend, and in the dream she was wearing a long blue dress, and when I saw her in church this morning, she was wearing a long blue dress. The only difference was that "IRL" she was also wearing a white shawl. Maybe I'd seen her in the same dress before, but I don't think so. Very strange.
 
Dreamt that I was moving, and I wasn’t alone. It was a group move, and I was tasked with organizing moving our collective belongings. There were lots of people around who were curious about our things. One spectator told me that she was in the habit of using the “Ask and you shall receive.” philosophy. She said that many people are generous if asked to be, given the opportunity. She said that that was how she received many quality items. There were several people around the warehouse where our things were being stored, who seemed to rely on that philosophy to survive, and they seemed pretty happy. Some were quite young, and were easily influenced and I knew I was an influence and felt the responsibility to do my best to guide them by good example, though I was finding my way as I went, myself. My chest isn’t hurting.
 
Here's something I file under paranormal. Last night I had a dream about a friend, and in the dream she was wearing a long blue dress, and when I saw her in church this morning, she was wearing a long blue dress. The only difference was that "IRL" she was also wearing a white shawl. Maybe I'd seen her in the same dress before, but I don't think so. Very strange.
I used to meditate on a different tarot card each night. One night I suddenly had a vision of a woman in a red coat crossing the road. The next day as soon as I reached the village centre I saw the same woman, in a red coat, crossing the road. To my knowledge I had never seen her before in reality. But that was it....nothing significant happened!
 
Long blue dresses probably ARE a pretty common occurrence in church though. What was ya doin' in church, audrey????

True, but it was the exact same dress: no pattern, just blue, same shade, same cut. Most likely I must've seen her wearing it before and forgotten about it until my subconsciousness remembered it in the dream. Or else the dream was a mystical precognition of some sort.

This is actually the second time it's happened, and the first time was more bizarre. I had a dream about someone I hadn't seen in ten years. And the next day he came into where I was working (several towns over from where we used to know each other). He had grown a viking beard and was wearing sunglasses, and I didn't recognize him at first. But he recognized me and it all came together creepily: being addressed familiarly by an apparent stranger, and then realizing he been in my dream the night before. The odds of it must've been pretty small, because he had joined the merchant marines and was living in Alaska, and he was only back in the area to visit family.

I have to go to church because my mother has dementia and she not only can't drive herself, but I have to go in with her because she can't even remember how to find her pew after she's received communion. It's funny, I think I was an atypical child because I was a Jesus nerd and I didn't find church boring. I liked it and became an altar server. But now I find it painfully boring. I've reverted to childhood, but this time I'm a normal kid, and I inwardly sigh to myself and think, "o my God, this is going on forever. When will this be over?"
 
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It behooves me to limit my sympathy
To that which I can understand
I am not a beaver
But a beaver knows what I mean
Twists and turns and getting burned
Are all part of life
No one lives forever after all
No creature no amaeba no nothing alive
Except maybe the mold spore
Which can stay dormant maybe
Coming up for more
The red patch of skin isn’t very sore
But it’s hardened
And I don’t know what for
This morning I shopped at the grocery store
My personal shopping buggy full coming home
My knapsack too
Full of food
For some reason my right lung’s not hurting
But something or other will get me in the end
Not everyone can live to one hundred
Somebody has to die young
Life is chaos let’s not pretend
 
I just got a call for an appointment Wednesday morning to get a breathing test by a respiratory therapist. Her voice over the phone has me certain that she is a kind person and intelligent too, I know from what she said to me. Very conscientious woman I know already I’m going to like being tested by her. I hope that when I see a mental health worker this afternoon that I won’t be in pain, so we can enjoy painting after we have a little chat.
 
True, but it was the exact same dress: no pattern, just blue, same shade, same cut. Most likely I must've seen her wearing it before and forgotten about it until my subconsciousness remembered it in the dream. Or else the dream was a mystical precognition of some sort.

This is actually the second time it's happened, and the first time was more bizarre. I had a dream about someone I hadn't seen in ten years. And the next day he came into where I was working (several towns over from where we used to know each other). He had grown a viking beard and was wearing sunglasses, and I didn't recognize him at first. But he recognized me and it all came together creepily: being addressed familiarly by an apparent stranger, and then realizing he been in my dream the night before. The odds of it must've been pretty small, because he had joined the merchant marines and was living in Alaska, and he was only back in the area to visit family.

I have to go to church because my mother has dementia and she not only can't drive herself, but I have to go in with her because she can't even remember how to find her pew after she's received communion. It's funny, I think I was an atypical child because I was a Jesus nerd and I didn't find church boring. I liked it and became an altar server. But now I find it painfully boring. I've reverted to childhood, but this time I'm a normal kid, and I inwardly sigh to myself and think, "o my God, this is going on forever. When will this be over?"
That's nice, what a good son you are!

Things like that happen to me too, I think it's rather common. Once I dreamt my cousins dog who I never think about because he was one of those ugly little lhaso apsos had died and then the next day my grandma told me he had been put down that day (I didn't even know he was sick) . Sometimes it won't even be a dream, you'll just be permeated with a feeling that something is going to happen or you'll see someone and then it happens. Sometimes it'll just be a vague feeling of doom hanging over you, and then something catastrophic will occur. Rupert Sheldrake has an explanation for this kind of phenomenom but I forget what it is.

No love for the Manic Street preachers?! I'd say my posting a song about a woman in a long blue dress after your having dreamt about one is a far more extraordinary occurrence than you seeing one in church.
 
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anxiety bloody awful poetry testing the waters trying to feel good in your own skin trying to make friends wanting to alleviate anxiety wanting to feel safe to be honest wanting to have integrity
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