Haven't talked to my dad in a long time. totally dysfunctional fathers day Thread

[Buzzetta]

My father was a relentlessly self-improving boulangerie owner from Belgium with low-grade narcolepsy and a penchant for buggery.

Do you want one million dollars as well?

 

[Dave]

While you may raise a valid point to some degree I tend to believe that some of the situations are not as bad as some may think and that some simply wish to whine.

You are whining about whining. You lose.

 

[Buzzetta]

You are whining about whining. You lose.

This is true. I hang my head in a pile of fail.

 

[JoyDiv007]

My dad was also less than perfect. I'm ok with him now, once I got older and realised that I'm no longer afraid of him it's ok. Yeah he's annoying and drives me crazy with the constant voicemail about birds, deer in the yard, how much rain they got, gas prices, how often he went to the grocery store. He's getting older and might not be around much longer, has a ton of health problems. Figured why not be nice to him. I can't change the past.

 

[Scarlet Ibis]

You are whining about whining. You lose.

Good point.

... But I've never understood why people hate whining so much. It's human nature to do a little whining here and there, and sometimes a supportive and understanding ear is what we're after. The only whining I really dislike is the frivolous whining people do over petty little annoyances others have caused them. Real whining should be reserved for something that's really important to a person -- something that causes emotional stress.

IMO

 

[Hellie]

Unless your dads have done something heinous I think a degree of forgiveness is in order.You don't get a rule book being a parent,you constantly screw up.And dads are fallible beings like the rest of us.

 

[iamnicola]

Some things can't be forgiven. Just a thought.

 

[Dave]

I think some people missed the point to the thread, in that it was meant to be a space for people WITHOUT lovely wonderful dads to say something, as the people with lovely wonderful dads get their chance to thank their dad in the conventional way today.
That's my thought on it, anyway.

thank you. it's pretty simple. it's not to encourage self-pity, but just to say that it's okay and doesn't make you a bad person if you don't have a perfect family.

 

[Chico]

Do you want one million dollars as well?

Don't be insolent.

 

[Superhans]

I knew this thread would become a virtual contest over who has had the worst upbringing. Some people seem so desperate to share terrible things with strangers that it makes me think they must be proud of it in some way.

 

[Chico]

I knew this thread would become a virtual contest over who has had the worst upbringing. Some people seem so desperate to share terrible things with strangers that it makes me think they must be proud of it in some way.

You know what? f*** you, Superhans. f*** you straight to hell. You have no idea how bad it was. My father would womanize, he would drink, he would make outrageous claims like he invented the question mark. Sometimes he would accuse chestnuts of being lazy. The sort of general malaise that only the genius possess and the insane lament.
So you can kiss my ass.

 

[Corrissey]

Corrissey is the most kind hearted person that I know.

How can anyone find fault with words so true?
All relationships require some give and take, and she was simply reminding us of that. She was not addressing each person with a dysfunctional Dad on a case by case basis; she was making a general statement about how people should try to interact with their parents and children.

True, some relationships are damaged beyond repair, but it's important to at least try to move on with your life. Playing victim and/or building a monument to your feelings is only going to making it worse and prolong the suffering.

Exactly

You don't need to defend me, but thanks. I know LuvMozzy wasn't attacking me, I just didn't want to go around and around...I could have fallen asleep standing up last night I was so exhausted. I had typed out an incoherent, weary message and ended up just deleting it, realizing I should get off the net and go to bed instead.

Of course, I can't (and never would) speak for everyone (certainly not 'extreme' cases) but that is what I meant tho... any contact, no matter how small, could mean the world ('course if that's what either/both parties want) and if people can't reconcile, then the moving on is simply finding forgiveness in your own heart, as Hellie said. You owe it to yourself. Let go of anger & resentment to keep your own sanity--don't let it eat you alive. My heart sincerely goes out to those who were abused as children and still suffer from that past. I do wish you strength and peace.

 

[Buzzetta]

You know what? f*** you, Superhans. f*** you straight to hell. You have no idea how bad it was. My father would womanize, he would drink, he would make outrageous claims like he invented the question mark. Sometimes he would accuse chestnuts of being lazy. The sort of general malaise that only the genius possess and the insane lament.
So you can kiss my ass.

Sharks with frickin laser beams them?

 

[LuvMozzy]

Some things can't be forgiven. Just a thought.

And some things shouldn't be forgiven.

 

[j funk]

Brought up by a single mother on a council estate.

There's my entry to the misery league. Aiming for mid-table.

 

[iamnicola]

And some things shouldn't be forgiven.

You are correct.

 

[Dave]

The point is, it's cool if you don't talk to someone that everyone else thinks that you should talk to, no matter who that person is.

 

[nugz]

don't mean to cheer up this thread or anything, but I just wanted to share that my dad came up from florida today. it was a surprise, I havent seen him in 4 years. so yeah, thats cool and stuff.

 

[*EqualOpportunityHater*]

^ Yay

 

[Disappointed]

My father was a tyrant with depression and anger issues, who hated his own father. He left the family, literally (packed up his things and drove away), when I was 16 years old, which was a blessing, really, because, after he was gone, my mother, brother, and I could finally breathe and relax in our own home.

Now, he lives several states away from me, and I've seen him about three times since he left (I'm 23 now). We'll e-mail back and forth a bit every few months, but, invariably, he just won't reply to something I've written, and the correspondence will stop for awhile. That's his choice, and I've accepted it.

My boyfriend's father was almost exactly like my own dad, and his family life growing up was much like mine (hearing him and his sister tell it, at least). He passed away a few years ago, long before I met my boyfriend.