According to this site I joined in 2006, it seems so long ago and in some ways I was such a different person back then. Though of course in some ways I'm exactly the same.
I still struggle with bad thoughts and the compulsion to self-harm, I slipped up a few days ago which resulted in 9 stitches.
On the other hand I worked for a few years and not only that, I was actually very good at my job.
I am now back at university hoping to start a degree in Marine Biology in September depending on the results I get from my last exams. I am 26 and studying with 18 year old children who have no idea just how evil life can be.
I was actually engaged at one point, an amazing guy but when I had to move for my course the distance broke us, everyone thinks their relationship will be different.
I currently find myself with no real direction, nothing to look forward to and I have fallen very hard for a friend of mine who could not be less interested. I wish I could show him that I'm not as f***ed up as he thinks I am but honestly he doesn't know the half of it. He's been such an amazing friend to me and I don't know whether spending as much time together as we do is a good thing or not. I can't even think of anyone else and no one matches up. It's such a confusing situation because he has aspergers so the way he talks and relates to others is so different. He gets confused about where the lines are and because I just want to be close to him so do I. He says he cares about me, he says that just because he doesn't see me in that way doesn't mean he doesn't care about me and I know what he means, I know he means as a friend but every time he says it I hope. We cuddle, we hold hands and I don't know if I'm taking advantage of his problems to get more physical contact then is right for me to have from him. I wish he could just see me. I wish he could see me in the way he sees other women. I wish I could get the idea of anything happening between us out of my head.
I still struggle with bad thoughts and the compulsion to self-harm, I slipped up a few days ago which resulted in 9 stitches.
On the other hand I worked for a few years and not only that, I was actually very good at my job.
I am now back at university hoping to start a degree in Marine Biology in September depending on the results I get from my last exams. I am 26 and studying with 18 year old children who have no idea just how evil life can be.
I was actually engaged at one point, an amazing guy but when I had to move for my course the distance broke us, everyone thinks their relationship will be different.
I currently find myself with no real direction, nothing to look forward to and I have fallen very hard for a friend of mine who could not be less interested. I wish I could show him that I'm not as f***ed up as he thinks I am but honestly he doesn't know the half of it. He's been such an amazing friend to me and I don't know whether spending as much time together as we do is a good thing or not. I can't even think of anyone else and no one matches up. It's such a confusing situation because he has aspergers so the way he talks and relates to others is so different. He gets confused about where the lines are and because I just want to be close to him so do I. He says he cares about me, he says that just because he doesn't see me in that way doesn't mean he doesn't care about me and I know what he means, I know he means as a friend but every time he says it I hope. We cuddle, we hold hands and I don't know if I'm taking advantage of his problems to get more physical contact then is right for me to have from him. I wish he could just see me. I wish he could see me in the way he sees other women. I wish I could get the idea of anything happening between us out of my head.
