"List of the Lost" reviews in The Guardian, The Daily Beast

I'll make up my own mind, but The Guardian are not impressed...

Morrissey: What we learned about him from List of the Lost by Michael Hann - The Guardian blog
Morrissey’s first novel is out and … well, it’s not very good. But the classic Moz tropes are present and correct

Excerpt:

"It’s commonplace in this kind of article to tell you we’re reading the book so you don’t have to. It’s a tease, usually. In the case of List of the Lost, however, it’s absolutely true. Do not read this book; do not sully yourself with it, no matter how temptingly brief it seems. All those who shepherded it to print should hang their heads in shame, for it’s hard to imagine anything this bad has been put between covers by anyone other than a vanity publisher. It is an unpolished turd of a book, the stale excrement of Morrissey’s imagination."

By the way ... I note at the very beginning "The author would like to thank Helen Conford"

The Dailybeast say...

Morrissey’s First Novel ‘List of the Lost’ Is a Bizarre, Misogynistic Ramble by Nico Hines - The Daily Beast
The writing is laughably clunky, the characters thinly drawn, the style stilted. But what’s worst about the ex-Smiths frontman’s List of the Lost is its repulsive treatment of women.

 

[Orson Swells]

Well, I read the opening on Amazon and it is practically unreadable, I'd say. And I say that as an admirer of Naked Lunch.

"Ezra, Nails, Harri, Justy" is an interesting choice of opening line, echoing Dallow, Spicer, Pinky, Cubitt, of course. Well, I haven't read the rest, but it does seem as if it could be some bizarre extended sporting metaphor for the story of the Smiths.

Anyway, I guessed it might not be too good as his prose style is so heavily convoluted as we know - which works perfectly in the opening of Autobiography, but not here. A great lyricist he may be... a great novelist he isn't.

Also, it's basically a novella being marketed as a novel which is rather naughty of Penguin...

 

[Anonymous]

Sorry, I had to copy this post from AYNIM because I pretty much thought the same as I read the book.

"Ok, I'm half way through the novel - here is my honest opinion.

Being a Morrissey fan there are elements in what I've read so far that are interesting to me, because I got a feeling this fiction book may be more revealing that some parts of his autobiography.

The problem is that this is not an assay but a fiction novel and as such the story should flow and the plot shouldn't be extensively interrupted with the musings of the narrator, which Is unmistakably Morrissey. I also see elements of him in the 4 boys and even on other characters. This book could have been an essay (minus the fiction plot) or a short story (minus the narrators musings) but it can't be both.

The writing style is what you'd expect, having read autobiography, and I enjoy it. Some parts are humorous and witty, but the overall tone is ... quite strange, it almost feels like therapy, at times.

So as I said in the beginning, it is interesting to me because it's him. However, a casual reader picking up this book will find it weird and I'm sure most won't like it."

 

[Anonymous]

"There's an even worse, second, Morrissey sex scene"

"Twitter users reacted with a mixture of confusion, hilarity and disgust"

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/books/authors/morrissey-sex-scene-list-of-the-lost/

 

[Mozza220559]

If Morrissey put:

"He put his big cock in her fanny" the book would probably only about 12 pages.

 

[LizSK2]

The responses here are as wonderfully insane as I've come to expect from this site, which contains the most batshit bonkers humans that any artist can be lucky enough to call fans. Two kinds:

1. Morrissey is beneath all of you and can do no wrong, these writers are deluded. Look at how many words he uses. No need for punctuation or editors when you're a genius.

2. He hasn't been good since 1985; of course it's a turd, he's deluded and should stop now but I still hate-love him enough to come here and talk about him.

Both sets barking mad. Both sets a shred of truth, both sets largely wrong. The book looks awful. Autobiography looks like a masterpiece (the first 3/4 is, until we get to the quicksand court case and listing of statistics about chart places/airplay etc) compared to this. I'm glad Michael Hann is saving me some time. I can't be doing with 'novels' where the writer is so arrogant to refuse an editor.

Regardless: Hammersmith was remarkable and it is still causing me to glow! Viva Moz! (just don't write any more books)

 

[Anonymous]

Morrissey's List of the Lost: the 10 worst lines


“All quiet, all still in this decent and pleasant atmosphere of slumber and repose, where lush houses of beddy-bye shut-eye snoozled in sleepland; a smiling sleep of dreamland.”


“Preciously kneeling on the upper-crust carpeting, the boys were inexpressive and almost beloved, as Isaac managed a third and then a fourth deathblow that finished off both Nails and Justy with a cosy killer’s cuddle.”


“Whoever put the pain in painting had also put the fun in funeral.”


“In your face, in your face, in your face, lover do I never need as long as I have these that send me like the wind.. the bullet of Justy as a hell-driver flyer with a disciplined land into Dibbs’ dry hand, and the new corner man faced the home straight with power-hitter grunts and Bunkie pluck as the bilge-free body speedballed with stirred stumps to beat the devil with scorch and sizzle and unfortunate dribble and snappy like crazy he somersaulted with pitching motion into a ferocious belly-flop tumble of a sprawled pratfall – face to the gravel, each limb slithered like snowslide subsidence.”

“In their secrecy, Harri does not like Tracey’s knotted banana toes, and Tracey finds the manly central issue too slight to grip, and although such things ought not to count in the adult mind, somehow they do yet they don’t yet they do yet they don’t.”

“In the church of secret service known as the abattoir this is exactly what humans excitedly do to beautiful bodies of animals who were also crafted in care by some divine creationist, yet at the human hand the animals are whacked and hacked into chopped meat whilst gazing up at their protector with disbelief and pleading for a mercy not familiar to the human spirit, ground and round into hash or stew for the Big Mac pleasure of fat-podge children whose candidature for roly-poly vicious porkiness makes their plungingly plump parents laugh loudly, as little junior blubber-guts orders yet another Super-burger with tub-of-guts determination to stuff death into round bellies, and such kids come to resemble their parents as ten pounds of s--- in a five-pound bag.”


http://www.telegraph.co.uk/books/authors/morrissey-list-of-the-lost-best-lines/

 

[Duggandog]

People could obviously read it for themselves and form an opinion. Too reasonable a suggestion?

 

[A Man Escaped]

Is he wearing eye liner on the back cover photo?

 

[ACTON]

The responses here are as wonderfully insane as I've come to expect from this site, which contains the most batshit bonkers humans that any artist can be lucky enough to call fans. Two kinds:

1. Morrissey is beneath all of you and can do no wrong, these writers are deluded. Look at how many words he uses. No need for punctuation or editors when you're a genius.

2. He hasn't been good since 1985; of course it's a turd, he's deluded and should stop now but I still hate-love him enough to come here and talk about him.

Both sets barking mad. Both sets a shred of truth, both sets largely wrong. The book looks awful. Autobiography looks like a masterpiece (the first 3/4 is, until we get to the quicksand court case and listing of statistics about chart places/airplay etc) compared to this. I'm glad Michael Hann is saving me some time. I can't be doing with 'novels' where the writer is so arrogant to refuse an editor.

Regardless: Hammersmith was remarkable and it is still causing me to glow! Viva Moz! (just don't write any more books)

That's not true. There are plenty of balanced people who frequent this site but are drowned out by the lunatics. I love Morrissey's music, I read and liked Autobiography but couldn't stand the 90 pages about Judge Weeks and the court case. I am keeping an open mind about the new novel but don't feel I have to queue up overnight to buy it at a bookshop. There are plenty of normal people who go to Morrissey-solo.com for updates on the latest and greatest in Morrissey's World. I hope he gets a record deal. If he doesn't I'm not going to end my life. I'm happy and thankful for all the great albums he has given us. I would say there are plenty on this site who would agree. Moz is capable of making mistakes and he is not God. In the same breath he is not Satan. Only the lunatic fringe and members of the Sith think in absolutes.

 

[Anonymous]

It's all good publicity - he's made the Daily Star: http://www.dailystar.co.uk/showbiz-...-the-Lost-review-sex-scene-bulbous-salutation

 

[Anonymous]

"It is, without a doubt, one of the most damning book reviews to ever be printed by a national paper. "

http://www.independent.co.uk/arts-e...ement-of-morrisseys-imagination-10515330.html

 

[Halloway]

AA Gill, on the other hand, loves it!

 

[Anonymous]

"Some sentences are pure gibberish."


List of the Lost by Morrissey review – Moz drops the baton

http://www.theguardian.com/books/20...-lost-morrissey-review-novel?CMP=share_btn_tw

 

[Cornflakes]

I haven't finished reading it yet but I've read enough and, much as I'd like to be pouring scorn on the early reviews (that Guardian review, regardless of the merits or otherwise of the book, is despicable), I can't think of anything at all to say in Morrissey's defence.

Given that so much of Autobiography is so brilliantly written, it's a mystery to me how he can have failed to make the transition to an at least passable novel. It would be too generous to talk about this being a book with flaws. It really does pain me to say it, but it's a more-or-less complete mess.

Sorry.

I really hope he won't give up, because I'm so sure he could make a better go of it, particularly if he were to accept the right sort of guidance.

 

[Anonymous]

"It is, without a doubt, one of the most damning book reviews to ever be printed by a national paper. "

http://www.independent.co.uk/arts-e...ement-of-morrisseys-imagination-10515330.html

Oh the Battle of Britain continues ! It's all the dark forces in the United KingDum plotting against him. The prime minister has got the S A S on his and Damons tails twenty four seven.

Benny-the-British-Butcher

 

[Anonymous]

New (different) Guardian review, this time by Alex Clark, but still very negative 'Moz has dropped the baton': http://www.theguardian.com/books/2015/sep/24/list-of-the-lost-morrissey-review-novel

 

[Anonymous]

"Eliza and Ezra rolled together into the one giggling snowball of full-figured copulation, screaming and shouting as they playfully bit and pulled at each other in a dangerous and clamorous rollercoaster coil of sexually violent rotation with Eliza’s breasts barrel-rolled across Ezra’s howling mouth and the pained frenzy of his bulbous salutation extenuating his excitement as it smacked its way into every muscles of Eliza’s body except for the otherwise central zone.”

HOLY JESUS! That might just be the worst sentence I've ever read. Is it too late to cancel my order?

WTF? LOL
is it too late to pull the book? not for moz sake but ours here at the board?

 

[Anonymous]

I'm afraid this whole sorry episode demonstrates just how deluded Morrissey has become. Well, the truth is out. The writing here is embarrassing, nothing more, nothing less. Did he actually read it, before pinging it off to Penguin? If he did, what did he think? This thin story - I refuse to call it a novel - could have been written by a 12 year old with a thesaurus. It's that bad. I've always suspected Morrissey's was an accidental sort of genius, and this pitiful attempt at long-form writing has confirmed my suspicions. Penguin should hang their head in shame for publishing this. Two reputations in tatters this morning.

sam boz and damon all told him it was a masterpiece. that he only explanation.

 

[A Man Escaped]

Given the near universal mauling the book has received in the British press, I would, sadly, not hold your breath for the Alan Carr TV appearance, unless it is just to perform a song.

The future for Morrissey, it seems, is more email Q & A's where he can control the content (meat, Royalty, current music scene) and not bother answering questions (book reception) that he doesn't like.

 

[Anonymous]

Morrissey's List of the Lost: the 10 worst lines


“All quiet, all still in this decent and pleasant atmosphere of slumber and repose, where lush houses of beddy-bye shut-eye snoozled in sleepland; a smiling sleep of dreamland.”


“Preciously kneeling on the upper-crust carpeting, the boys were inexpressive and almost beloved, as Isaac managed a third and then a fourth deathblow that finished off both Nails and Justy with a cosy killer’s cuddle.”


“Whoever put the pain in painting had also put the fun in funeral.”


“In your face, in your face, in your face, lover do I never need as long as I have these that send me like the wind.. the bullet of Justy as a hell-driver flyer with a disciplined land into Dibbs’ dry hand, and the new corner man faced the home straight with power-hitter grunts and Bunkie pluck as the bilge-free body speedballed with stirred stumps to beat the devil with scorch and sizzle and unfortunate dribble and snappy like crazy he somersaulted with pitching motion into a ferocious belly-flop tumble of a sprawled pratfall – face to the gravel, each limb slithered like snowslide subsidence.”

“In their secrecy, Harri does not like Tracey’s knotted banana toes, and Tracey finds the manly central issue too slight to grip, and although such things ought not to count in the adult mind, somehow they do yet they don’t yet they do yet they don’t.”

“In the church of secret service known as the abattoir this is exactly what humans excitedly do to beautiful bodies of animals who were also crafted in care by some divine creationist, yet at the human hand the animals are whacked and hacked into chopped meat whilst gazing up at their protector with disbelief and pleading for a mercy not familiar to the human spirit, ground and round into hash or stew for the Big Mac pleasure of fat-podge children whose candidature for roly-poly vicious porkiness makes their plungingly plump parents laugh loudly, as little junior blubber-guts orders yet another Super-burger with tub-of-guts determination to stuff death into round bellies, and such kids come to resemble their parents as ten pounds of s--- in a five-pound bag.”


http://www.telegraph.co.uk/books/authors/morrissey-list-of-the-lost-best-lines/

i dont think it even qualifies as english.